Venting obsession love

[kosmischerunfall]

I met someone online around 2021 or 2020 [can't remember exactly] in an online game. I didn't think too much of it in those early days.
I remember exactly how we got befriended in this game.
So, they [groupchat] were talking about environmental issues or something like this and I boldly decided to speak my mind on this topic and this person applauded me for my opinion.
I thought it was cool to meet someone so mature in a game that's usually played by kids that are... not so mature
so i asked him if we can be friends, and he said yes.
After this we played many games together but sometimes we would use the chat function and chat about our every day life or other things.
You can guess what happend.. i got deeply attached to him to his persona, his opinions how much he resembled me.
I can't exactly describe what I even loved about him.. but time and experience showed me that there's is something deeper going on.. that's what i thought.
There is so much to tell here and I don't want to disclose everything because I am deeply ashamed of what I have done to this relationship.
I definitely went to other people because I thought he would leave me anyways.
This connection seemed so powerful and out of this wolrd because, how could you love one person that you don't even know in real life or even seen them?
I told him everything I did wrong and he accepted my mistakes.
Then I made a really stupid stupid decision. I didn't clearly communicate with him he told me he wants to life with me do studies.
I ignored this sentence maybe because I wanted to see if he really wants to be with me and would ask me again.
What a stupid game i played there. I know it's my fault and my loss. We just met at the wrong time.
I wish I had another brain a healthy one.
I was afraid of him leaving me my only joy. I was anxious and now this anxiousness destroyed everything that made me ever happy.
I had a reason to live now it's gone.
He also acknowledged our special relationship and offered me a friendship my stupid ass couldn't do it and ran away.
The worst thing is I was stalking him on something similar to reddit and i checked on him everyday and he wrote a lot about his new girlfriend and how she makes him happy is the best thing that has ever happend to him. I am happy for him because she is someone that gives him what he needs.
I know i should let go of this connection but it's like i can't one day i wouldn't care about him but today is was so fucking bad. In anger i wrote him on my secret account [note that i already interacted with him on there bute he doesnt know that thats me, well now he knows lol] i said to him: ,, you know that you belong to me not your stupid girlfriend, you feel it and think everyday of me I wish i could nuke your house" and i know what i have done there is an unforgivable mistake but now i can not undo it.
Unfortunately my feelings gave in, im too weak for this life.
That's why i decide to die.
My
feelings for this person... it's like they will never die. It's not like i could do something about it.
I will always unconditionally love them in some way.
It's like God's punishment...
I don't expect to be relatable with text, it's just that it hurt too much today and i desperately wanted to be heard.
I know that i sound crazy.. i wish it was an psychological issue

 

[FakeProdigy]

I did some horrible stuff when it comes to love too. I was insecure and I made mistakes. I think you should be kinder to yourself, it's okay to make mistakes. For all you know you'll meet someone else who will be much better. Step back from all of it and with time you'll think about it less and less. That's what happened to me at least.