Now I am lonely, any tips?

[platypusfan]

I made a post about how loneliness is my number one reason to ctb and I have come to some realizations. I have lived my whole life thinking I was better off alone, that I was an introvert and that I would just be a lonely person my whole life and that that's ok. It's not ok. I have felt different for as long as I remember. I don't understand people whatsoever. I have a speech impediment and people struggle to understand me. These are some of the reasons I have struggled making friends.

Now I am realizing I do not like loneliness, I was just lying to myself because I struggled making friends. If I wasn't born the way I was, I would be an incredibly social extrovert. I think I need people around me, but not in a way that they're just there, in a way that I am connected to them. I want to feel extreme connection to people. Most of all I want to feel love. I don't know what this feels like, but it is my deepest desire to feel that emotion in its entirety. I feel like I am stopping myself on some subconscious level from feeling this, I have talked about how I have never felt connected to people but I am starting to think I persuaded myself that I can't feel connected to people as a result of my childhood. I have no idea how to get out of this state. I was thinking the first step is to try making friends but I am struggling so hard. I also wonder if I can feel this for the people already in my life. I care for them deeply and I want to be able to feel this connection for them but I don't know how, and I do not know how to accept being different.

In summary, I am actually a people's person who doesn't understand people. It sounds so silly, I don't know how this happened. I want to socialize, I desire connection, but I can't reach it. Does anyone have any tips on this weird situation? Or at least any tips on making friends as someone so.. different??

 

[Zegers]

A lifetime of loneliness is not healthy, mainly because we need social contact, we are social beings. When you suffer a health problem you are often shunned, i had some friends at school but then i isolated myself. Loneliness affects and although i had some friends i have been quite lonely.

 

[platypusfan]

A lifetime of loneliness is not healthy, mainly because we need social contact, we are social beings. When you suffer a health problem you are often shunned, i had some friends at school but then i isolated myself. Loneliness affects and although i had some friends i have been quite lonely.

Then I hope you can also find a way out of loneliness

 

[nux_walpurgis]

I made a post about how loneliness is my number one reason to ctb and I have come to some realizations. I have lived my whole life thinking I was better off alone, that I was an introvert and that I would just be a lonely person my whole life and that that's ok. It's not ok. I have felt different for as long as I remember. I don't understand people whatsoever. I have a speech impediment and people struggle to understand me. These are some of the reasons I have struggled making friends.

Now I am realizing I do not like loneliness, I was just lying to myself because I struggled making friends. If I wasn't born the way I was, I would be an incredibly social extrovert. I think I need people around me, but not in a way that they're just there, in a way that I am connected to them. I want to feel extreme connection to people. Most of all I want to feel love. I don't know what this feels like, but it is my deepest desire to feel that emotion in its entirety. I feel like I am stopping myself on some subconscious level from feeling this, I have talked about how I have never felt connected to people but I am starting to think I persuaded myself that I can't feel connected to people as a result of my childhood. I have no idea how to get out of this state. I was thinking the first step is to try making friends but I am struggling so hard. I also wonder if I can feel this for the people already in my life. I care for them deeply and I want to be able to feel this connection for them but I don't know how, and I do not know how to accept being different.

In summary, I am actually a people's person who doesn't understand people. It sounds so silly, I don't know how this happened. I want to socialize, I desire connection, but I can't reach it. Does anyone have any tips on this weird situation? Or at least any tips on making friends as someone so.. different??

I feel you so much. I also deluded myself that I am better off alone and didn't need to talk to anyone ever, until I went to study in a different city away from everyone I kney, and felt the loneliness in my bones. I want deep, real connection, but I have no one.

 

[Morana]

I truly understand you guys, I violently crave honest friendship, without censorship and heavy masks on our faces. My advice to you is that you must take actions first, I tell myself often that I must knock and the doors will open. I also just recently tried this approach "I don't chase, I attract". It worked, but partially, u must really believe in that, without any doubt, its also a hard approach. Go to walks, parks, go out alone which I know can be hard. I wondered why is it so hard for me to start a conversation with someone, and you probably asked yourself the same. Because of the way of modern life people are now more disconnected from one other, yes we have internet, but internet isn't real life. You could first approach some old woman or grandpa, many of them are lonely and crave a connection, some could even teach you a life lesson. I know it maybe sounds funny but with that age group I found it easier to speak sometimes than with people my own age. Did someone experience that? There are many sad and lonely old people who are kind. It can also become beautiful form of connection. I don't know if you read Kokoro, by Natsume Soseki a Japanese novel about a peculiar connection between a young male student with one older man, and how they became friends. It's a beautiful and sad story. I believe that you all will make some good friends, I wish u luck. This biological needs are truly like dictatorship, we can try to escape them, but we eventually listen to them or succumb because we couldn't.

 

[Tired33]

I truly understand you guys, I violently crave honest friendship, without censorship and heavy masks on our faces. My advice to you is that you must take actions first, I tell myself often that I must knock and the doors will open. I also just recently tried this approach "I don't chase, I attract". It worked, but partially, u must really believe in that, without any doubt, its also a hard approach. Go to walks, parks, go out alone which I know can be hard. I wondered why is it so hard for me to start a conversation with someone, and you probably asked yourself the same. Because of the way of modern life people are now more disconnected from one other, yes we have internet, but internet isn't real life. You could first approach some old woman or grandpa, many of them are lonely and crave a connection, some could even teach you a life lesson. I know it maybe sounds funny but with that age group I found it easier to speak sometimes than with people my own age. Did someone experience that? There are many sad and lonely old people who are kind. It can also become beautiful form of connection. I don't know if you read Kokoro, by Natsume Soseki a Japanese novel about a peculiar connection between a young male student with one older man, and how they became friends. It's a beautiful and sad story. I believe that you all will make some good friends, I wish u luck. This biological needs are truly like dictatorship, we can try to escape them, but we eventually listen to them or succumb because we couldn't.

That's really good advice. As you said, I have been going to the park lately and trying to connect with people online lately with people that I would not normally think of connecting with. Also, this is a really interesting thread for me because I woke up this morning thinking about making a thread with tips on how to make friends and then suddenly this pops up on my screen, so it was pretty crazy.

My idea, I would say is don't get disheartened if you have a bad social interaction. One of the things I'm finding is that I can have interactions that were unpleasant or didn't go the way I wanted to and it makes me feel like I never want to try to connect with anyone ever again because it feels like "once bitten twice shy". However, lately, I've been pushing myself to keep trying to engage in interactions with people even if the previous interactions ended up making me feel bad. Like, to push myself to do it despite the bad feelings in my heart at the time. So, that makes you more consistent with talking to lots of different people and eventually you'll find people that you connect with.

 

[Morana]

That's really good advice. As you said, I have been going to the park lately and trying to connect with people online lately with people that I would not normally think of connecting with. Also, this is a really interesting thread for me because I woke up this morning thinking about making a thread with tips on how to make friends and then suddenly this pops up on my screen, so it was pretty crazy.

My idea, I would say is don't get disheartened if you have a bad social interaction. One of the things I'm finding is that I can have interactions that were unpleasant or didn't go the way I wanted to and it makes me feel like I never want to try to connect with anyone ever again because it feels like "once bitten twice shy". However, lately, I've been pushing myself to keep trying to engage in interactions with people even if the previous interactions ended up making me feel bad. Like, to push myself to do it despite the bad feelings in my heart at the time. So, that makes you more consistent with talking to lots of different people and eventually you'll find people that you connect with.

Thank you, I tried to think of something that is practical and something based on real experience. I think the most unexpected things help you in the end, or they come that way, unexpected. How are you feeling when you are walking in that park, did u meet someone, how did it go? I am trying to interact better with people and meet someone, so I understand how hard it can get, its frustrating to me because I feel it shouldn't be that hard, we are naturally social shouldn't it be easier to socialise, since we all crave it, since its natural?

 

[Tired33]

Thank you, I tried to think of something that is practical and something based on real experience. I think the most unexpected things help you in the end, or they come that way, unexpected. How are you feeling when you are walking in that park, did u meet someone, how did it go? I am trying to interact better with people and meet someone, so I understand how hard it can get, its frustrating to me because I feel it shouldn't be that hard, we are naturally social shouldn't it be easier to socialise, since we all crave it, since its natural?

Thanks for asking. Yes, I feel really good when I walk in the park because it feels good to get out of the house. I'm on disability and I was bed-ridden for the past year and a half so it's really amazing to be able to go out now. To be honest, I haven't really met anyone there yet and I tend to go when it's emptier so I can enjoy the lake there and I just go near the birds there (geese) and watch them and the lake. I don't feel like I'm ready yet to meet people in real life, so I'm trying just online first mainly, so I just try to connect with the nature and wildlife there at the park as a first step.

But I think you're really right about things unexpectedly helping you, like for me, I never thought that my physical condition would improve but suddenly it got better a few months ago and I'm able to walk and move around a lot. It was really unexpected that it got better, I really thought it would be like that for the remainder of my life. Yeah, I think that's really insightful about what you said that we are social beings and that it feels like it shouldn't be hard to socialize because we are wired to be social beings, but it feels so hard. Maybe it has to do with technology, like you said before, because it makes face to face interaction less common these days and it seems to make people more disconnected from each other.

I feel like I should approach it more like a job or something like that instead of being fun, like force myself to socialize and go about it in a methodical way. Also, I feel like if I maybe force myself to socialize then I'll learn more from each interaction what the best ways are.

 

[platypusfan]

I feel you so much. I also deluded myself that I am better off alone and didn't need to talk to anyone ever, until I went to study in a different city away from everyone I kney, and felt the loneliness in my bones. I want deep, real connection, but I have no one.

I'm in the same situation, started university and then reality set in. I hope we can both find that connection with someone.

I truly understand you guys, I violently crave honest friendship, without censorship and heavy masks on our faces. My advice to you is that you must take actions first, I tell myself often that I must knock and the doors will open. I also just recently tried this approach "I don't chase, I attract". It worked, but partially, u must really believe in that, without any doubt, its also a hard approach. Go to walks, parks, go out alone which I know can be hard. I wondered why is it so hard for me to start a conversation with someone, and you probably asked yourself the same. Because of the way of modern life people are now more disconnected from one other, yes we have internet, but internet isn't real life. You could first approach some old woman or grandpa, many of them are lonely and crave a connection, some could even teach you a life lesson. I know it maybe sounds funny but with that age group I found it easier to speak sometimes than with people my own age. Did someone experience that? There are many sad and lonely old people who are kind. It can also become beautiful form of connection. I don't know if you read Kokoro, by Natsume Soseki a Japanese novel about a peculiar connection between a young male student with one older man, and how they became friends. It's a beautiful and sad story. I believe that you all will make some good friends, I wish u luck. This biological needs are truly like dictatorship, we can try to escape them, but we eventually listen to them or succumb because we couldn't.

Thank you for the response, I agree that this is good advice. I am thinking of maybe volunteering to help the elderly then it will be easier to talk to them. It is weird that we are built for connection, but for some reason it seems to be getting more and more difficult. I am not sure why that is, but I hope to find even just a few people who are willing to listen to me.

 

[Morana]

Thanks for asking. Yes, I feel really good when I walk in the park because it feels good to get out of the house. I'm on disability and I was bed-ridden for the past year and a half so it's really amazing to be able to go out now. To be honest, I haven't really met anyone there yet and I tend to go when it's emptier so I can enjoy the lake there and I just go near the birds there (geese) and watch them and the lake. I don't feel like I'm ready yet to meet people in real life, so I'm trying just online first mainly, so I just try to connect with the nature and wildlife there at the park as a first step.

But I think you're really right about things unexpectedly helping you, like for me, I never thought that my physical condition would improve but suddenly it got better a few months ago and I'm able to walk and move around a lot. It was really unexpected that it got better, I really thought it would be like that for the remainder of my life. Yeah, I think that's really insightful about what you said that we are social beings and that it feels like it shouldn't be hard to socialize because we are wired to be social beings, but it feels so hard. Maybe it has to do with technology, like you said before, because it makes face to face interaction less common these days and it seems to make people more disconnected from each other.

I feel like I should approach it more like a job or something like that instead of being fun, like force myself to socialize and go about it in a methodical way. Also, I feel like if I maybe force myself to socialize then I'll learn more from each interaction what the best ways are.

Wow, after reading this I really want to try my best like you. I am glad your health's improved. But it didn't just happen, your body did that, your organs which work for you, isn't that fascinating and powerful? You healed yourself thinking you are weak, so imagine then if you were to think you are the strongest. Yes, we need to force ourselves to not give up and not to run from our fears ,but also reward ourselves for improvement, please don't underestimate yourself and update about your situation. Also, give yourself time. Everything in life is hard, if you didn't have this problems you would have some other problems. That is what I tell myself. But I think where is our biggest potential there are our biggest battles. You seem like you love to observe nature, nature taught me a lot and also helped me. I wish you the best, I know you will overcome this, I think you have already been through a lot, but still you are here. Well played.

I'm in the same situation, started university and then reality set in. I hope we can both find that connection with someone.

Thank you for the response, I agree that this is good advice. I am thinking of maybe volunteering to help the elderly then it will be easier to talk to them. It is weird that we are built for connection, but for some reason it seems to be getting more and more difficult. I am not sure why that is, but I hope to find even just a few people who are willing to listen to me.

Yes try volunteering, I think that is a great idea. I admire you as well, because you are trying, because you are doing what scares you. Some people run from their problems their whole lives, I don't blame them tho, as I know how hard can life get, but see, you are going face to face with your problems, and not everyone can do that, be aware of that. Did you approach someone at college maybe, and if you just started, I know it's hard at the beginning, it takes time to adjust. I know people that threw up from stress often, at the beginning of college. Try also to convince yourself some satiric things when you are talking to people, imagine them naked or that they are idiots who don't understand anything haha, to me personally absurd was great help, I imagined they don't exist, I repeated that to myself and I felt more calm.

 

[venomousSSërpent74]

I made a post about how loneliness is my number one reason to ctb and I have come to some realizations. I have lived my whole life thinking I was better off alone, that I was an introvert and that I would just be a lonely person my whole life and that that's ok. It's not ok. I have felt different for as long as I remember. I don't understand people whatsoever. I have a speech impediment and people struggle to understand me. These are some of the reasons I have struggled making friends.

Now I am realizing I do not like loneliness, I was just lying to myself because I struggled making friends. If I wasn't born the way I was, I would be an incredibly social extrovert. I think I need people around me, but not in a way that they're just there, in a way that I am connected to them. I want to feel extreme connection to people. Most of all I want to feel love. I don't know what this feels like, but it is my deepest desire to feel that emotion in its entirety. I feel like I am stopping myself on some subconscious level from feeling this, I have talked about how I have never felt connected to people but I am starting to think I persuaded myself that I can't feel connected to people as a result of my childhood. I have no idea how to get out of this state. I was thinking the first step is to try making friends but I am struggling so hard. I also wonder if I can feel this for the people already in my life. I care for them deeply and I want to be able to feel this connection for them but I don't know how, and I do not know how to accept being different.

In summary, I am actually a people's person who doesn't understand people. It sounds so silly, I don't know how this happened. I want to socialize, I desire connection, but I can't reach it. Does anyone have any tips on this weird situation? Or at least any tips on making friends as someone so.. different??'

I have grew older and learned this also but i have also learned that people can be extremely disappointing and treat you like shit it's nice to have friends or people to talk to but not to many even then eventually they will betray you or just move on with their lives that just how life is in most cases and especially if you have mental illness or something different. it's always something that reminds me why I don't like having friends or making them along with being socially anxious and having a dislike for people at the same time but also as some have said we are humans and need social interaction and to socialize or our mental states will suffer more.

 

[Morana]

I have grew older and learned this also but i have also learned that people can be extremely disappointing and treat you like shit it's nice to have friends or people to talk to but not to many even then eventually they will betray you or just move on with their lives that just how life is in most cases and especially if you have mental illness or something different. it's always something that reminds me why I don't like having friends or making them along with being socially anxious and having a dislike for people at the same time but also as some have said we are humans and need social interaction and to socialize or our mental states will suffer more.

Yes many of them are like that, but also I think we should behave like how we want to be treated. If I want others to be kind to me I try to be kind to them first. I once betrayed my friend, later I called and apologised because I realised my mistake. I truly was really sorry and angry at myself because I did that. That is why I will forgive other people if they betray me. We all make mistakes. Every person has good and evil inside. If you see people so negative they will be like that, we are all more similar than we think. Others are projections of ourselves. I don't know will you agree with me tho, but it is okay. I hated people, but then I realised if I hated them, no one good can come in my life. I know, people can do terrible things, but I think because of that we need to be better than that. People can also do very beautiful things, like making this site for example. : )

 

[platypusfan]

Wow, after reading this I really want to try my best like you. I am glad your health's improved. But it didn't just happen, your body did that, your organs which work for you, isn't that fascinating and powerful? You healed yourself thinking you are weak, so imagine then if you were to think you are the strongest. Yes, we need to force ourselves to not give up and not to run from our fears ,but also reward ourselves for improvement, please don't underestimate yourself and update about your situation. Also, give yourself time. Everything in life is hard, if you didn't have this problems you would have some other problems. That is what I tell myself. But I think where is our biggest potential there are our biggest battles. You seem like you love to observe nature, nature taught me a lot and also helped me. I wish you the best, I know you will overcome this, I think you have already been through a lot, but still you are here. Well played.


Yes try volunteering, I think that is a great idea. I admire you as well, because you are trying, because you are doing what scares you. Some people run from their problems their whole lives, I don't blame them tho, as I know how hard can life get, but see, you are going face to face with your problems, and not everyone can do that, be aware of that. Did you approach someone at college maybe, and if you just started, I know it's hard at the beginning, it takes time to adjust. I know people that threw up from stress often, at the beginning of college. Try also to convince yourself some satiric things when you are talking to people, imagine them naked or that they are idiots who don't understand anything haha, to me personally absurd was great help, I imagined they don't exist, I repeated that to myself and I felt more calm.

Thank you for your kind responses. I do understand how hard that first step is but sometimes it feels like I shouldn't have tried when I go out and fail. In college I've approached a few people but unfortunately I cannot develop close relationships, I feel like they're all acquaintances if that is the right word. I might try that, sometimes if I mess up I like to tell myself that it didn't even happen.

 

[Tired33]

Wow, after reading this I really want to try my best like you. I am glad your health's improved. But it didn't just happen, your body did that, your organs which work for you, isn't that fascinating and powerful? You healed yourself thinking you are weak, so imagine then if you were to think you are the strongest. Yes, we need to force ourselves to not give up and not to run from our fears ,but also reward ourselves for improvement, please don't underestimate yourself and update about your situation. Also, give yourself time. Everything in life is hard, if you didn't have this problems you would have some other problems. That is what I tell myself. But I think where is our biggest potential there are our biggest battles. You seem like you love to observe nature, nature taught me a lot and also helped me. I wish you the best, I know you will overcome this, I think you have already been through a lot, but still you are here. Well played.

Ahh thanks so much for your kind words, it really meant a lot! Yeah, like you said, we should remember to reward ourselves for improvement. Yeah, it's really fascinating and powerful how the human body and nature works and it is my belief and experience that there are spiritual dimensions to life and biology, and I credit that with helping me. Your words inspire me to engage with people here more and I think I will tell my story on another post and also to be kind to myself. That's cool that we both love nature and animals and, yes, it really helps a lot for me too! Thanks again for your positive vibes, it really helped.

I have grew older and learned this also but i have also learned that people can be extremely disappointing and treat you like shit it's nice to have friends or people to talk to but not to many even then eventually they will betray you or just move on with their lives that just how life is in most cases and especially if you have mental illness or something different. it's always something that reminds me why I don't like having friends or making them along with being socially anxious and having a dislike for people at the same time but also as some have said we are humans and need social interaction and to socialize or our mental states will suffer more.

Yeah, I hear you and I can relate to that and feel that. I haven't had many positive relationships in my life either. Right now, my heart has become shielded from people in general just so I can protect myself from people. With my life experiences, at this point, I don't think I will ever be able to let my guard down completely around people. But you're right that we're wired to have social interaction. That's why, now, I'm going to just start with online and try to observe how things go and develop some ways of talking to people and dealing with the complexities of social interactions. Then slowly, start with trying to make connections irl. But yeah, I agree that people can have capacity for really bad things and can hurt you so it's good in some ways that you aware of that so that you can protect yourself. But at the same time, it would be sad if you cut yourself off completely from people because it also gives a good feeling in your heart when you have good interactions with people,.

Yes many of them are like that, but also I think we should behave like how we want to be treated. If I want others to be kind to me I try to be kind to them first. I once betrayed my friend, later I called and apologised because I realised my mistake. I truly was really sorry and angry at myself because I did that. That is why I will forgive other people if they betray me. We all make mistakes. Every person has good and evil inside. If you see people so negative they will be like that, we are all more similar than we think. Others are projections of ourselves. I don't know will you agree with me tho, but it is okay. I hated people, but then I realised if I hated them, no one good can come in my life. I know, people can do terrible things, but I think because of that we need to be better than that. People can also do very beautiful things, like making this site for example. : )

Thanks for sharing this. It's so good that you are self-aware of your own flaws in dealing with people in the past and that's really brave to admit that and it's good that you learned from it to be more forgiving. Because you see it in yourself that you can be unkind to people so it makes it easier to forgive people if they do something to you, that's really cool. I agree that it can depend on what comes from inside of you. I think in the past in some instances where I had bad friendships, I was doing something to attract more negative people to myself, either because of low self-worth or something else.

Thank you for your kind responses. I do understand how hard that first step is but sometimes it feels like I shouldn't have tried when I go out and fail. In college I've approached a few people but unfortunately I cannot develop close relationships, I feel like they're all acquaintances if that is the right word. I might try that, sometimes if I mess up I like to tell myself that it didn't even happen.

Wow, I think I know exactly what you mean about when you feel like it's not worth it after you have a bad interaction or something where it leaves you wanting , like you couldn't make the connection. Because you make the effort to socially engage with people which is already hard and then there's something about the way bad social interactions that actually almost physically hurt your heart and make you feel so bad. Then, it makes it so hard to try again.

Somehow I'm hoping I can overcome that feeling I get after a bad social interaction, maybe by "desensitizing" myself to it, although I'm not sure I want to use that word since I don't want to make myself completely numb to it, but maybe just tolerate that feeling somehow and then try again once the feeling fades.

That's great that you have a few acquaintances though! Like @Morana said we need to congratulate ourselves for the progress that we do make. And if you keep on making acquaintances, then the best of them can become friends eventually, I'm hoping! As cliche as it sounds, but Just don't give up even it's hard.

 

[platypusfan]

Ahh thanks so much for your kind words, it really meant a lot! Yeah, like you said, we should remember to reward ourselves for improvement. Yeah, it's really fascinating and powerful how the human body and nature works and it is my belief and experience that there are spiritual dimensions to life and biology, and I credit that with helping me. Your words inspire me to engage with people here more and I think I will tell my story on another post and also to be kind to myself. That's cool that we both love nature and animals and, yes, it really helps a lot for me too! Thanks again for your positive vibes, it really helped.


Yeah, I hear you and I can relate to that and feel that. I haven't had many positive relationships in my life either. Right now, my heart has become shielded from people in general just so I can protect myself from people. With my life experiences, at this point, I don't think I will ever be able to let my guard down completely around people. But you're right that we're wired to have social interaction. That's why, now, I'm going to just start with online and try to observe how things go and develop some ways of talking to people and dealing with the complexities of social interactions. Then slowly, start with trying to make connections irl. But yeah, I agree that people can have capacity for really bad things and can hurt you so it's good in some ways that you aware of that so that you can protect yourself. But at the same time, it would be sad if you cut yourself off completely from people because it also gives a good feeling in your heart when you have good interactions with people,.




Thanks for sharing this. It's so good that you are self-aware of your own flaws in dealing with people in the past and that's really brave to admit that and it's good that you learned from it to be more forgiving. Because you see it in yourself that you can be unkind to people so it makes it easier to forgive people if they do something to you, that's really cool. I agree that it can depend on what comes from inside of you. I think in the past in some instances where I had bad friendships, I was doing something to attract more negative people to myself, either because of low self-worth or something else.




Wow, I think I know exactly what you mean about when you feel like it's not worth it after you have a bad interaction or something where it leaves you wanting , like you couldn't make the connection. Because you make the effort to socially engage with people which is already hard and then there's something about the way bad social interactions that actually almost physically hurt your heart and make you feel so bad. Then, it makes it so hard to try again.

Somehow I'm hoping I can overcome that feeling I get after a bad social interaction, maybe by "desensitizing" myself to it, although I'm not sure I want to use that word since I don't want to make myself completely numb to it, but maybe just tolerate that feeling somehow and then try again once the feeling fades.

That's great that you have a few acquaintances though! Like @Morana said we need to congratulate ourselves for the progress that we do make. And if you keep on making acquaintances, then the best of them can become friends eventually, I'm hoping! As cliche as it sounds, but Just don't give up even it's hard.

Yeah, that's exactly what it's like. After socially engaging, and it goes wrong, then I feel like my chest is being pushed down and it gets harder to breathe and talk. So then I just go completely silent. I'm also in the same place as you, trying to learn how to at least tolerate that. Especially after all those experiences in the past that make it harder. Honestly, it is so incredibly difficult, but I also know it's not impossible. I have selective mutism and I used to not be able to talk to barely anyone. I could only speak to some people, and because of this I would get treated badly and get called names. It sort of felt like people didn't see me as a person, and even if I am able to talk more now, those feelings still follow me into conversation. But my point is, even if it seems incredibly hard it is definitely possible to improve, and even though it has taken me years to get to this point I will continue to try new things so maybe one day I can be the social person I want to be. I hope that everything goes well with you when you try to socialize more, and good luck!

 

[venomousSSërpent74]

Yes many of them are like that, but also I think we should behave like how we want to be treated. If I want others to be kind to me I try to be kind to them first. I once betrayed my friend, later I called and apologised because I realised my mistake. I truly was really sorry and angry at myself because I did that. That is why I will forgive other people if they betray me. We all make mistakes. Every person has good and evil inside. If you see people so negative they will be like that, we are all more similar than we think. Others are projections of ourselves. I don't know will you agree with me tho, but it is okay. I hated people, but then I realised if I hated them, no one good can come in my life. I know, people can do terrible things, but I think because of that we need to be better than that. People can also do very beautiful things, like making this site for example. : )

That makes sense and is also true that's why i try to open up a little for the people who are good.

 

[wurr]

Wow your situation mirrors mine in almost all the points. But I won't make it about myself, so hoping that all the people here can find good friends.

 

[platypusfan]

Wow your situation mirrors mine in almost all the points. But I won't make it about myself, so hoping that all the people here can find good friends.

Don't worry about making it about yourself, we all are allowed to struggle and it is good to know I am not the only one with these types of feelings. I hope you can also find good friends!

 

[Morana]

Yea guys, it's funny and also a bit sad how I feel more understood here than In society among people. Thank you all for responses and kind words. I understood everything you said, I think so. For me today was hard. I thought I was friends with someone, and today they ignored me. I really can't understand why, but I will keep trying, like you here. I won't take it too seriously but I admit interactions with people today indeed made me miserable. I also failed, but there is no success without failure, we learn from our mistakes and that way we become better. Even if u made mistake, look for something good in that mistake. I also experience physical symptoms, I tremble a lot, my voice changes, I get chest and hearth pain, with that it's much more harder to talk. Close relationships are so hard to form, but then like I heard some people met in their sixties and then they got married haha. I wonder how did they meet and everything. We must not give up, and I think we also can't depend too much on support here, I mean not to become addicted to it. I hope you know what I mean by that. Its weird, but even too much of good things can be destructive, like even too much water can kill you. Think about it. It is really absurd. Your words already helped me, but I know I also need to find strength and happiness on my own, and be active in real life. I need to go out, fail many times, explore the world, suffer, and through that I become stronger. I hope I will have that strength, suicide is always on my mind, but at the same time I have a will to fight. When you fail, I would like to hear about that interaction, maybe we can figure out together some problems, if u will have a need to vent. By analysing our own failures we can learn a lot. I will be on site when I have time, but I have a lot of things going on right now. I appreciate your responses so far, your experiences are interesting, similar to mine, and encouraging, even tho they are sad, they still made my day easier. By having problems, you helped. Yes, you helped. That is very fascinating to me. It's a little help but it counts, and I am grateful! Would wish you keep this in mind guys.

Wow your situation mirrors mine in almost all the points. But I won't make it about myself, so hoping that all the people here can find good friends

I wish you best of luck too, this kind of situations can be very agonising and isolating.

 

[platypusfan]

Yea guys, it's funny and also a bit sad how I feel more understood here than In society among people. Thank you all for responses and kind words. I understood everything you said, I think so. For me today was hard. I thought I was friends with someone, and today they ignored me. I really can't understand why, but I will keep trying, like you here. I won't take it too seriously but I admit interactions with people today indeed made me miserable. I also failed, but there is no success without failure, we learn from our mistakes and that way we become better. Even if u made mistake, look for something good in that mistake. I also experience physical symptoms, I tremble a lot, my voice changes, I get chest and hearth pain, with that it's much more harder to talk. Close relationships are so hard to form, but then like I heard some people met in their sixties and then they got married haha. I wonder how did they meet and everything. We must not give up, and I think we also can't depend too much on support here, I mean not to become addicted to it. I hope you know what I mean by that. Its weird, but even too much of good things can be destructive, like even too much water can kill you. Think about it. It is really absurd. Your words already helped me, but I know I also need to find strength and happiness on my own, and be active in real life. I need to go out, fail many times, explore the world, suffer, and through that I become stronger. I hope I will have that strength, suicide is always on my mind, but at the same time I have a will to fight. When you fail, I would like to hear about that interaction, maybe we can figure out together some problems, if u will have a need to vent. By analysing our own failures we can learn a lot. I will be on site when I have time, but I have a lot of things going on right now. I appreciate your responses so far, your experiences are interesting, similar to mine, and encouraging, even tho they are sad, they still made my day easier. By having problems, you helped. Yes, you helped. That is very fascinating to me. It's a little help but it counts, and I am grateful! Would wish you keep this in mind guys.

I wish you best of luck too, this kind of situations can be very agonising and isolating.

That is nice that you have such a positive outlook on that. Yes I agree, fails are bound to happen but that doesn't mean successes won't happen. Actually, speaking of that, my grandma who is in her 80s and divorced years and years ago found another 80 year old on a dating app!! They are both so happy together now. So we really do have our entire lives to figure this out. I think that is a good idea to talk about our failures but also our successes as it helps to be reminded of these things especially when those suicidal thoughts come. And that's true, I come on here a lot because I'm suicidal often but it's nice to have a place with people who have different perspectives compared to what you'd usually hear in public about mental health topics.

 

[Morana]

How do you deal with all your loneliness? What do you do? Im trying my best to stay positive. I am happy because of your grandma, such a cute story, and it gives me some hope.

 

[sufferingextremely]

I made a post about how loneliness is my number one reason to ctb and I have come to some realizations. I have lived my whole life thinking I was better off alone, that I was an introvert and that I would just be a lonely person my whole life and that that's ok. It's not ok. I have felt different for as long as I remember. I don't understand people whatsoever. I have a speech impediment and people struggle to understand me. These are some of the reasons I have struggled making friends.

Now I am realizing I do not like loneliness, I was just lying to myself because I struggled making friends. If I wasn't born the way I was, I would be an incredibly social extrovert. I think I need people around me, but not in a way that they're just there, in a way that I am connected to them. I want to feel extreme connection to people. Most of all I want to feel love. I don't know what this feels like, but it is my deepest desire to feel that emotion in its entirety. I feel like I am stopping myself on some subconscious level from feeling this, I have talked about how I have never felt connected to people but I am starting to think I persuaded myself that I can't feel connected to people as a result of my childhood. I have no idea how to get out of this state. I was thinking the first step is to try making friends but I am struggling so hard. I also wonder if I can feel this for the people already in my life. I care for them deeply and I want to be able to feel this connection for them but I don't know how, and I do not know how to accept being different.

In summary, I am actually a people's person who doesn't understand people. It sounds so silly, I don't know how this happened. I want to socialize, I desire connection, but I can't reach it. Does anyone have any tips on this weird situation? Or at least any tips on making friends as someone so.. different??

Education and skills development are the keys to so many things in life, certainly including what you describe here. You need to learn about people and relationships. Study psychology and get self-help books and courses on this topic. In everything that you learn, as you research, have a bias for things that have a scientific foundation. Not all self-help resources are created equal. Many are a waste of time. You want to learn and you want to apply your knowledge. Keep a journal where you record your experiences, what you have learned, and your progress. Set your goals regularly and measure your progress. There is a book called the 12 week year that is extremely good. There is also a book about habits. I believe it is written by a man named James Clear. It is pure gold. Prepare to be disappointed and to fail, over and over. Also prepare to make progress and to feel a sense of mastery over your life. Prepare to become immersed in what you learn. All of the above will happen, repeatedly, in your journey. When the disappointments and the failures come, you just take the blow, recover, and get right back to your goals. In baseball, you get 3 strikes and you're out. In your life, you get as many strikes as it takes. The only person who can call you out is you.

 

[platypusfan]

How do you deal with all your loneliness? What do you do? Im trying my best to stay positive. I am happy because of your grandma, such a cute story, and it gives me some hope.

I honestly don't have many good ways to deal with it, which is part of the reason I made this post. But one thing I have found that helps is playing music really loud, then it sort of keeps the loneliness at bay. Or doing something difficult, like exercise, so I won't think about it. But be careful with these as it can become really easy to use it as an escape instead of facing your issues.

Education and skills development are the keys to so many things in life, certainly including what you describe here. You need to learn about people and relationships. Study psychology and get self-help books and courses on this topic. In everything that you learn, as you research, have a bias for things that have a scientific foundation. Not all self-help resources are created equal. Many are a waste of time. You want to learn and you want to apply your knowledge. Keep a journal where you record your experiences, what you have learned, and your progress. Set your goals regularly and measure your progress. There is a book called the 12 week year that is extremely good. There is also a book about habits. I believe it is written by a man named James Clear. It is pure gold. Prepare to be disappointed and to fail, over and over. Also prepare to make progress and to feel a sense of mastery over your life. Prepare to become immersed in what you learn. All of the above will happen, repeatedly, in your journey. When the disappointments and the failures come, you just take the blow, recover, and get right back to your goals. In baseball, you get 3 strikes and you're out. In your life, you get as many strikes as it takes. The only person who can call you out is you.

That's a really good way to look at it, I have tried to study all my past experiences but it's definitely difficult to apply in person. Besides the ones you mentioned do you have any more books or personal advice from your own research that stuck out to you?

 

[UtopianSoliloquies]

I feel you. I haven't found a good way to overcome my loneliness either but I think I've come to somewhat of an epiphany about vulnerability. I was preparing some suicide notes to people who were close to me and, empowered by the fact that I would not have to worry about the embarrassment or fear of judgment of saying anything due to the nature of the letter, I found myself able to convey some of the things I felt most deeply about others. I have since made a promise to myself that if I am able to say every one of these things that I wrote in my letters to the people I addressed them to whilst I am still alive, I will have once again been able to be vulnerable with others, and I will most likely be okay. You obviously don't need to prepare notes specifically, but I suggest just doing your best to write down reflections of what you think of people you care about without the intention of sharing them, and then gradually introduce them to those people when you feel that it is alright. It's okay to be alone sometimes, and there are times for all of us when we want to be alone, and those feelings don't contradict our distaste for loneliness. Just know that human connection is a need very much analogous to food or water--even if you don't give a damn about good food or drink, when you are starved of all food and haven't had a glass of water in two days, your personal apathy towards these things is completely meaningless in the face of your fundamental human need for them, and you will crave them with great intensity regardless of your personal preferences.

 

[platypusfan]

I feel you. I haven't found a good way to overcome my loneliness either but I think I've come to somewhat of an epiphany about vulnerability. I was preparing some suicide notes to people who were close to me and, empowered by the fact that I would not have to worry about the embarrassment or fear of judgment of saying anything due to the nature of the letter, I found myself able to convey some of the things I felt most deeply about others. I have since made a promise to myself that if I am able to say every one of these things that I wrote in my letters to the people I addressed them to whilst I am still alive, I will have once again been able to be vulnerable with others, and I will most likely be okay. You obviously don't need to prepare notes specifically, but I suggest just doing your best to write down reflections of what you think of people you care about without the intention of sharing them, and then gradually introduce them to those people when you feel that it is alright. It's okay to be alone sometimes, and there are times for all of us when we want to be alone, and those feelings don't contradict our distaste for loneliness. Just know that human connection is a need very much analogous to food or water--even if you don't give a damn about good food or drink, when you are starved of all food and haven't had a glass of water in two days, your personal apathy towards these things is completely meaningless in the face of your fundamental human need for them, and you will crave them with great intensity regardless of your personal preferences.

That's very nice you were able to discover that, I hope that everything goes well and that you're able to reach all those goals. And I really respect you for that, vulnerability is one of the hardest things to approach. It has definitely been hard to accept that human connection is needed in life, I wish it wasn't, but all I can do about that is try my best.