Venting Nothing

[venua]

I feel nothing anymore. Not even sad. I wish I could've been better. Better at everything. A better daughter. A better sister. A better friend. I've never felt true happiness. I hate myself for being such a shit person. I love everyone and I can't show it. I love you mother, father, and brother. I just wish I did better. I wish I had passed in that hospital. It was supposed to happen. It would've made everything easier for everyone. I'm so sorry about everything. You said it yourself, mother. You wasted 7 months of your life for me to turn out like this. Sorry for not talking more. For not being strong like everyone else. I love you. Everyone. All of you. Even the people who have hurt me. I love you. I'm sorry, when you have to see me like this in the morning. I love you so much. I love you more then I can express. It hurts. It all hurts. Sweetheart I wish I was a better for you. But I can't change that. Your life was my lifes best part. I love you.

 

[Pluto]

It is the mark of a great individual to remain in a loving place even in the darkest despair. But it is important to include yourself in those you care for. Sometimes, when self-blame is taken to extremes, it is caused by excessive pressures in childhood, or being pressured to take on adult responsibilities too soon. I feel that if you investigate the situation further, you will find that your parents have committed some sins.