Venting Nothing works

[RedDoor]

Well it's been recently very hard for me. It's been a struggle to live with the disgust of continuous life. I've actually tried to fix my self i really have. I thought what if i live like normal people mentally (fake it till you make it i guess..). Maybe then i would trick myself into wanting to live. Well... it did not work. Even after just recently i have won something that I've been striving (or thought to be striving for) to win. I feel nothing as if not a damn thing just happened. That's really killing me. I mean like how could i continue living knowing that i would be in an unavoidable state thats killing me. I want nothing more than to just die instantly. Its been madding. I wont "try to find my self anymore" that's just bullshit to me as far as im concerned. Going through life i really wished something would just make me snap and kill my self even if it was impulsively. I guess im going to repeat being pathetic for my whole life

I might have been given a good chance in life but im just sorry fuck it

 

[fleetingnight]

I get the feeling. I'm constantly wishing something would push me over the edge, because it's tiring just being on the edge of suicide all the time. I'm sorry you're suffering so much</3