Venting Nothing will work out now

[Painless_end]

I wish I wasn't a coward back then. I wish I could have died. Life has become unbearable. Sadness is all I have. No hope for the future. There will never be a real change in my life because who I essentially am is so anti-adult life, yet not entirely suicidal.

I wish I wasn't born. Every day brings more sadness. I can't wait for all of it to end. The problem is that since I am young and relatively healthy adult in the "prime of my life", all my desires for a quick painless death remain unfulfilled.

I am ashamed to be what I am. I am ashamed of my weakness. I wish I had never been born. I wish I had not been weak. I didn't ask for this. I will never be able to pull myself out of this, because I will never have the conscientious nature of a functional adult. I may have it in bursts here and there, but I'll never have it for an elongated period of time.

I wish I wasn't who I am. I wish I had never been born.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's certainly understandable wishing you never existed, I also wish the same more than anything, I find it so dreadful how we cannot just choose to fall into an dreamless and eternal sleep. But anyway best wishes.