NSFW Nothing is making sense anymore

[Nemaki Arber]

I want to cut really bad, but the more I let the urge get the best of me, the more I feel the world is shifting me into my worst reality, not even from 'well yeah you just cut yoursel' but also other changes connected to my biggest anxieties, or your friend will die sooner if you do it or oh actually you have major memory loss and are a fucking serial killer without knowing it

But I want to cut, i want to buy the pills, I want out of this reality. Every shifts just drags me along a only so slightly different version of it, the fucking back of my remote duplicated when i lost the back of a different remote, neither match the lost one, where did that fucking come from?!
I wanna see the blood from my body wanna see the flesh slice up, i wanna see my body get covered again until I can't physically take it anymore, I deserve the pain.
I hide to everyone around me how I feel, how much I wish I was alone, that nobody loved me

Let me go, stop making me stay here any longer

I hope cancer doesn't take you too soon from me, you're the only person who I don't constantly feel like is going to drop me ever and can always habe a good time with, within reason that I respect you back, you're the person I respect the most in life. I wish life would've allowed for something more but it didn't and that's okay.
I can see you all watching, judging, domt try to sugarcoat anything just tell it to me straight

I can see you all watching, judging, dont try to sugarcoat anything just tell it to me straight

 

[Nemaki Arber]

All my knives are dull, they don't cut deep enough

I need to invest in a hunting knife..

 

[Pale_Rider]

Sometimes I perceive the world so wrong hopped up on hyper vigilance I start to think maybe I was successful in a last ctb attempt, and am actually in hell, but sometimes it isnt so bad, and I think maybe purgatory. I sometimes have positive miscalculations, but have learned they just cant be. It would be a very dangerous move to ever accept them as reality. I know I might sound a little crazy here, but it will have to suffice as my share here.

 

[Nemaki Arber]

Sometimes I perceive the world so wrong hopped up on hyper vigilance I start to think maybe I was successful in a last ctb attempt, and am actually in hell, but sometimes it isnt so bad, and I think maybe purgatory. I sometimes have positive miscalculations, but have learned they just cant be. It would be a very dangerous move to ever accept them as reality. I know I might sound a little crazy here, but it will have to suffice as my share here.

I could believe I'm already in limbo, came close to death so many times lmao.. My tools and poverty stops me from getting better self harming tools
All I have are dull exactos and crafts blades, they dull fast
Maybe the car actually killed me, who knows