Venting nothing ever changes

[cryye]

for context: i was trapped in a very abusive situation until 2 months ago; ive since gotten out, and i thought things would get better. they did. i felt something close to peace and happiness for a while and i was extremely desperate for it to stay like that. i thought my bad thoughts would go away once i started therapy.

since im here posting this, obviously they didnt. and ive come to the uncomfortable conclusion that there is something fundamentally wrong or broken inside me, because no matter how good my circumstances are, i still cant help but fucking ruin it all. my life is basically perfect now and i still wanna die. i feel like an idiot for thinking anything could ever change.

i dont feel like living like this is worth it, knowing that ill always be unhappy for some reason or other. i havent told anyone how i feel, both because im ashamed of my stupidity and scared of their reactions. because i know they'll just brush me off. i had kept myself alive all this time on the stupid hope that the voice in my head constantly telling me i was a lazy worthless shit was wrong, but now that its been proven right time and time again, i have nothing to hold onto anymore.

i feel like shit and now im convinced its incurable.

 

[FuneralCry]

To me it's really understandable not wishing to suffer anymore, I could never see any real relief from suffering in this dreadful existence and it must be tiring what you have to go through but anyway I wish you the best.