Discussion Notes, Guilt and the Finality

[snowboard9098]

I'm writing texts that I'll send to people right now, but I feel so guilty. I know my death will severely affect some people in my life and honestly I'm not sure if they're even equipped to handle that. There's also just the weirdness of being gone like thinking about how everyone else's life is going to go on and you'll just be gone. It's honestly difficult for me to grasp even though I've been suicidal on and off for my whole life. I've never had a serious attempt though and I've never really sat down and thought about how my death would affect certain people. It almost feels selfish that I'm in so much pain that I'll commit an act that just transfers that pain to someone else. It's karmic it's very strange. I'm also a very existential person so that may be a factor.

 

[birdbones]

I wish these existential questions were easier to grapple with. I don't have any great wisdom to share. I am not here to convince or sway you either way. I just encourage you to continue to put thought into these things if this is the first time you've considered some of them, especially if you're an introspective person, which you seem to be. IDK, maybe I'm way off the mark, I just think things of this magnitude require deep thought, even and especially when the questions are uncomfortable or difficult to think about.

I'm sorry if that feels like unwanted advice. Feel free to disregard anything I say.