Venting not wanting to live seems like a default option to me

[dinosavr]

I was out with my sisters tonight and we were drinking wine and we started talking about the situation that one of them witnessed during her vacation where a woman jumped out of the window. They also mentioned their friend from school who hanged himself in his room. They said "wooow imagine he had to actually go to the store and buy the rope, and the cashier had no idea what he needed it for", "yeahhh and he had to google how to tie the knot correctly" and basically they were just really shocked and they talked about how insane feeling that must be for a person to decide to do or even want something like that.
And I'm glad I wasn't drunk enough to say anything. I'm 100% sure now that they don't expect me to be suicidal. They have no idea what they were talking about regards their own little sister. That she is ready to go whenever she feels she's ready. And it's crazy to me that people actually value their life. And! Other people's lives… I don't know if that's because I'm spending so much time here and in my mind, it just made me realize now how serious it is from their perspective, and wow I can't believe I am where I am. I actually have fucking sn in my closet and I keep acting as if nothing happened. Because technically nothing happened but, you know, they would be devastated if they found out. And I can't really think of what I think about it, I don't know what I want. But I guess at least I can be sure I will be missed and that they will feel genuinely sorry for me, they probably won't blame me. I don't want to hurt them but I don't think it can stop me for much longer :( They don't deserve the pain it's going to cause them, I know, but do I deserve my pain? After all, I'd die one day anyway, right? I don't know what to do.


(sorry for that post lol I'm drunk though so I guess I have and excuse. Feel free to ignore)

 

[LaughingGoat]

Yeah it's healthy to speak with people not just on this site to keep perspective that the world doesn't all think like us. While I think it would be best if everyone was open to the conversation of suicide and death, I wouldn't want a world where everyone wants to die all the time.

 

[set0553]

When my daughter broke things off with her gf (they were each others first) her now ex was not taking it well, and at one point she talked about suicide, which really freaked out my daughter, who almost called the police to get her committed, so its outta the question to talk to my family about how I'm feeling everyday. Their attitudes are very prolife, even if they had to have me commited. I think most people in society probably feel that way from what I've seen. I think it is good to try to talk about these things outside of here, but for me this is the only place I can be truly open and honest, without ppl thinking I'm mentally ill and "need help" its a shame..

 

[dinosavr]

Yeah it's healthy to speak with people not just on this site to keep perspective that the world doesn't all think like us. While I think it would be best if everyone was open to the conversation of suicide and death, I wouldn't want a world where everyone wants to die all the time.

If everyone wanted to die it would be perfect!! Nembutal mass production or a massive explosion of nuclear bomb and we're free :) Just like that

 

[UKscotty]

Suicide would never seem like a rational option to a healthy person I believe.

That's why I can't understand why people talk about it then wonder why people react how they do.

 

[Ash]

It's very strange hearing people talking about the future and wondering if they really mean it or if they're faking it/aren't sure (depending on the day/moment), like me.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

You don't deserve pain and they don't deserve pain but that is the unsolvable problem here. Someone will have to suffer eventually. I'm sorry you have to go through this.