ladidabi
Losing all hope is freedom.
- Mar 19, 2023
- 48
It's absolutely hilarious how I can't seem to be taken seriously. I feel like I'm just delusional at this point. Got back from the doctor due to physcial symptoms of anxiety that has been really getting in the way of my studies, and he brushed it off as "take it easy, you'll be fine", despite the fact I've come back many times for years, writing notes to have him read through as I struggle with talking at times. Always the same damn response. 5 minute talk about "sleep, eat and be with your friends". I can't sleep in silence because of the screams I keep hearing in my head, panic attacks and harm. I have nobody to socialize with. I am a wreck.
I come back 3 months later with a dangerous amount of weight lost because I hate myself and deserve suffering, and worsening symptoms in my chest area and throwing up at the most random times. My urge to try again after last attempt is getting worse because of this. Now it's not planned yet, but before I paid he asked if I'm killing myself before the next appointment which is next week. That's the most retarded question I've heard in a while. If I'm planning a time and date to do it, why the fuck would I tell anyone? I'm trying my absolute best to get help, and even trying to say the most vile shit I've done and thought about, gets me nothing but 20 dollars less in my bank account and waiting for something to happen. It feels so hopeless.
I come back 3 months later with a dangerous amount of weight lost because I hate myself and deserve suffering, and worsening symptoms in my chest area and throwing up at the most random times. My urge to try again after last attempt is getting worse because of this. Now it's not planned yet, but before I paid he asked if I'm killing myself before the next appointment which is next week. That's the most retarded question I've heard in a while. If I'm planning a time and date to do it, why the fuck would I tell anyone? I'm trying my absolute best to get help, and even trying to say the most vile shit I've done and thought about, gets me nothing but 20 dollars less in my bank account and waiting for something to happen. It feels so hopeless.