Venting Not sure why I’m here anymore

[kishka]

I have no family left. A few friends, but no one who I'm really close with. No one who would be devastated by my loss. I have chronic pain that has completely taken away my quality of life. Every part of me feels ready to ctb, yet something is stopping me from taking the steps to do. I'm not sure why I haven't done it yet. I think it's mostly fear of failing and dealing with the repercussions after, being unsure about what method I'd prefer, and a fear of the possibility of their being something after. I don't believe in an afterlife or anything but I'm still terrified that I'm wrong and there is more than this. That suicide won't be the end. That's the main thing holding me back.

 

[cherry7]

I have no family left. A few friends, but no one who I'm really close with. No one who would be devastated by my loss. I have chronic pain that has completely taken away my quality of life. Every part of me feels ready to ctb, yet something is stopping me from taking the steps to do. I'm not sure why I haven't done it yet. I think it's mostly fear of failing and dealing with the repercussions after, being unsure about what method I'd prefer, and a fear of the possibility of their being something after. I don't believe in an afterlife or anything but I'm still terrified that I'm wrong and there is more than this. That suicide won't be the end. That's the main thing holding me back.

I can completely relate. Thanks for sharing. You're not alone.