Well, I have a problem. I was going to ctb this weekend using my husbands handgun. But I just checked the gun safe and it is gone. The clips to it are also missing. So it seems my husband has hid them from me. I have searched the entire house and I can't find it so now I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm beyond frustrated. This was the one way I knew I would be able to ctb. I know there are other methods but this one just worked for me. He has other guns but they are hunting rifles and I can not manipulate them in a way to be successful. Plus I have shot the handgun at the shooting range and know what to expect. I am so mad at this point. Sorry to be ranting. I just thought I had things figured out and now something else has gone wrong and I'm just so disappointed.
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cyanlove
looking for my other half (of my skull)
- Dec 23, 2021
- 147
I'm sorry you're frustrated. Is there any reason you can't go buy a gun yourself?
lostmylove
Specialist
- Apr 1, 2022
- 304
My advise is not to mention anything. Reason the guns where took away probably is he expects something. Trying with the rifles may not produce enough stopping power to do the job properly.
I could. I just didn't want to spend the money on it. Plus with our finances my husband would notice if a significant amount of money was missing.
My thoughts too. I thought I had been careful about how I presented myself around family but I guess not.
cyanlove
looking for my other half (of my skull)
- Dec 23, 2021
- 147
Is it possible they've seen your internet history? Or do they just know from a previous attempt?
I only access stuff on my phone and it's password protected (not a new thing for me) so that's not really suspicious. And I've only had one previous attempt about 10 years ago. I'm beginning to think my hubby is psychic! Lol! But seriously I'll just have to figure something else out I guess. I'm partially upset because I had opportunity to do it this weekend when he was going to be out of town for work. He works from home 95% of the time so it would have been perfect
Red Scare
Wizard
- Mar 1, 2022
- 647
This is fucked up.
I have lost a spouse to suicide. It is the sole reason I want to commit suicide. Are you comfortable with knowing that you will be ruining his life, and dealing out the single biggest trauma he will ever experience? He'll have ptsd, especially if he is the one to find you, like I was. Can you still do it knowing that your husband might be driven to suicide himself?
You also didn't say if you have kids. If you have any children, you will be ruining their lives too.
If you are unhappy with your marriage, I would suggest leaving your husband. Distance yourself from him emotionally, so he won't be so hurt by you deciding to ctb, if that is still what you want. I promise you, your husband didn't sign up to be a widower at a young age, it sucks, and if he is thinking you guys are going to have a long marriage and grow old together, then you will be dealing him a big blow that he will never quite get over. You will be reducing him to a broken shell of a person skulking through life waiting until his own time to die. Trust me I know. It is the worst feeling in the world, I miss him every day and all I want to do is die.
Can you handle inflicting that kind of emotional torment and torture upon someone else? Is that your goal here? That is just evil, imo
I have lost a spouse to suicide. It is the sole reason I want to commit suicide. Are you comfortable with knowing that you will be ruining his life, and dealing out the single biggest trauma he will ever experience? He'll have ptsd, especially if he is the one to find you, like I was. Can you still do it knowing that your husband might be driven to suicide himself?
You also didn't say if you have kids. If you have any children, you will be ruining their lives too.
If you are unhappy with your marriage, I would suggest leaving your husband. Distance yourself from him emotionally, so he won't be so hurt by you deciding to ctb, if that is still what you want. I promise you, your husband didn't sign up to be a widower at a young age, it sucks, and if he is thinking you guys are going to have a long marriage and grow old together, then you will be dealing him a big blow that he will never quite get over. You will be reducing him to a broken shell of a person skulking through life waiting until his own time to die. Trust me I know. It is the worst feeling in the world, I miss him every day and all I want to do is die.
Can you handle inflicting that kind of emotional torment and torture upon someone else? Is that your goal here? That is just evil, imo
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 43,273
I'm sorry that you are in this situation. I can imagine that it must be really stressful. I wish you the best in whatever happens.
Wow. I don't know what to say to this. Yes I have thought about how this would affect him. Of course I have. It's not something I willingly wish upon him or our grown children. You are right in that he didn't sign up to become a widower when we married but he's been very aware of my mental health issues for a very long time. He does what he can to support me when I'm struggling. But my depression has nothing to do with any issues in our marriage. I'm not unhappy with my marriage. It's other things in my life that I can't talk about. I don't think it's fair of you to put this 'guilt trip' on me. And I haven't really seen anyone else in this forum being put down for any decision they've made regarding ctb. I have enough emotional garbage to deal with without having this put on me. Thanks for calling me evil. I may have a few names for you as well but I won't say them.
symphony
surving hour-by-hour
- Mar 12, 2022
- 779
Hey, breathe. I can see how much this is hurting you and I understand that. But it's not the end of the world. Sure, you may have to wait past this weekend to work out a plan B, but you can do that, and we'll be with you to support you no matter what you choose every step of the way.
And I don't think you're being selfish or "evil" here either.
And I don't think you're being selfish or "evil" here either.
Thank you for your kind words. I know I probably won't ctb this weekend but I'm just so tired of the mental and physical pain that I'm in. Everyday there is something new and it just keeps building. But anyway thank you.
This is judgemental as fuck. Just because you want to kill yourself doesn't mean everyone else will. Also, the kids will be fine, and probably better off than living with a chronically depressed and suicidal parent. I do agree that if the situation is abusive, she should get out, but considering they have grown kids, its either not, or not bad enough that she didn't spread her legs for the guy.
Red Scare
Wizard
- Mar 1, 2022
- 647
I have told plenty of people here on this forum that it is fucked up to leave a grieving spouse behind. Trust me, I am intimately familiar with that situation.
I don't think you have quite thought about how this will affect your spouse, or else you just don't care that much. You say you wouldn't willingly do that to him? That's exactly what you are doing. You haven't lost your free will. If you choose to kill yourself, you will be choosing to inflict the worst kind of emotional torment on him. If you love him, then how could you do that? You're either not considering his feelings at all, or you are lying to yourself by telling yourself that he'll be ok, he'll make it through this, he'll get over it. I'm here to tell you, he won't.
You didn't answer my question, would you still go through with it, could you still go through with it, if you knew that he would eventually kill himself too out of grief? That you would be ruining his life? Are you ok with him having ptsd, and being fucked up in the head because you decide to do this?
Do your problems outweigh the love you have for each other, are they more important than his feelings?
Wow. I'm sorry for what happened with your spouse. But you have NO RIGHT to judge me or tell me how I feel or what I should do. Do you know what is going on in my life right now? Do you know the things that have I gone through since I was a child? Do you know my thoughts and feelings? No you do not! So get off your fucking high horse and deal with your own shit and leave me the fuck alone! I didn't ask for YOUR advice or comments.
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Red Scare
Wizard
- Mar 1, 2022
- 647
I had a nightmarish childhood I wouldn't wish on anyone, sexual abuse, physical abuse, abandonment.
Whatever is going on in your life, if you have stability, a home, a spouse, you are better off than over half the people on this forum. Most people are here because they have lost everything, or they have no prospects for a future, if you have a husband and a home you are already better off than most people here.
You still aren't answering my questions. Could you go through with it, knowing you would be ruining his life? Could you go through with it knowing he might commit suicide too?
Many of us here don't have anyone that would miss us that much.
And also, this is a discussion forum. Anybody can respond to any thread.
Bro, no one owes you any answers. Stop harassing her with your prolifer bullshit.
Red Scare
Wizard
- Mar 1, 2022
- 647
Want asking for any "bro" this person keeps responding to me.
This isn't about pro life, we're all pro choice here, and it's not a choice to be made lightly.
Oh by the way, I don't have to answer your fucking questions.
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Yeah, then stop trying to make someone feel guilty. Just because you resent your dead wife for leaving you, doesn't mean @indigomoon 's husband would be the same way. Maybe he'll grieve with the rest of the family and move on, maybe not. But it's been said time and again, you shouldn't be forced to live because someone else says they are going to kill themselves if you do. That's codependent and very unhealthy. Maybe you should get some counseling - it doesn't sound like you have a good reason to ctb, just that you miss someone, and need some help getting through it.
Oh, it kind of sucks when people make assumptions about you right? Maybe I'm completely off, but this is the same shit you're doing. So just have some respect and stop being an asshole.
Listen, it may sound like my life is just roses and sunshine but looks can be deceiving. I didn't want to tell my life story but since you won't leave it alone, here goes. Not that it's any of your business. I too was molested when I was a child. By a family member that I admired. Both of my parents were alcoholics and divorced when I was 14. My mother then became physically and emotionally abusive to me. I've been raped not once but twice in my lifetime. Both my strangers. I had a career that I loved but it was abruptly ended when a drunk driver hit me head on. I am now on disability because I can not walk without using a cane. This wonderful accident also ended my ability to go hiking and to do anything physical that I once loved. I also have a glorious autoimmune disorder that causes me to be in pain 24/7. This is in addition to the chronic pain that I still have from the the previously mentioned car accident. I also fight a depression, anxiety and PTSD every single day. Let's see. What else? My best friend died last year of Covid. My dad coded in front of me in the hospital and I was the one to give him CPR because the medical team was coding another patient at the other end of the hallway. He ended up dying. And I just think life sucks at this point due to everything that I have seen and been through. So let me ask you, have I been through enough to meet your approval to ctb? Or must I go through more?
