Venting not sure if I should wait to go in the right body or just CTB

[kcalpuppy]

this is my first post so to start id just like to say hello and thanks for having me, ive needed somewhere like this.
so im transgender and experience daily, excruciating dysphoria (small part of why i wanna ctb to begin with.) im already on hormones and have been for years; sure, my voice is deep as fuck, and i don't really get misgendered much, but they only do so much. i still have to take my clothes off every night and feel like a fucking imposter. still have a dating pool consisting only of people who fetishize about the thing about me i hate the most (chasers.)
surgery is gatekept to the wealthy and those fortunate to have good enough insurance, and as a result, so is any kind of gender euphoria or basic belonging.
still, there's a part of me that fantasizes about going out with the correct gender on my ID, the right body being examined.
but it's pointless if im not gonna be here to live in that body, right?
it feels fucked either way and i feel like no matter what i do im just stuck feeling like a woman forever or however long that is.

 

[jodes2]

I'm sorry you feel like this

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be really hard to deal with feeling trapped in that situation, but anyway best wishes.

 

[notthatguy]

I don't think it's too weird to want to be remembered as your true gender. I'm sorry you have to go through this I hope it gets better for you.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I am sorry. I myself also suffer from severe gender dysphoria, and is the main reason why I am going to CTB.

 

[kcalpuppy]

I don't think it's too weird to want to be remembered as your true gender. I'm sorry you have to go through this I hope it gets better for you.

i mean, i am at the very least going to try to see if i can start the process of changing my name and gender marker. it can be a lengthy process, though, so we'll see.
thank you very much

I am sorry. I myself also suffer from severe gender dysphoria, and is the main reason why I am going to CTB.

im sorry that you can relate; it's extremely painful. i do most things that i reasonably can just to look like a teenage boy as a grown adult.
it's a hard thing to go through, and im sorry you're suffering.

 

[seaspray]

It Shouldnt be so hard for you to just be who you feel yourself to be.So wrong its mainly an option for the wealthy..No words of wisdom but sending empathy.