Venting Not socializing your child should be considered some form of child neglect

[26mmmm]

No, you are completely right... Parents are suppose to be there for you from the moment you were born to the time you reach 18. If they can't do that, they shouldn't even have a child to begin with... Parenting is NOT just "oh let's socialize and monitor our kid until he reaches school age, then we can say fuck it and zone out". It's a subtle monitoring all the way through to 18. If you see rapid changes in behavior, isolation tendencies, socialization issues, addiction, you immediately step in *HARD* and fix that problem before it gets worse or even unrecoverable. That is literally their job, they are the grown ups!!

Much like you, I started isolating in my early teen years (I was around 11). My parents sat me in front of the TV, gave me PSP, bought me a PC with unrestricted internet access and guess what happened? I got VERY addicted (my fathers addiction genes probably didn't help here). In school my brains were fried from too much screen use and lack of sleep, so I couldn't really talk with anyone, because I was in my own world and totally disconnected. I tried forming connections, but I was just that weirdo kid that everyone ignored. The development of the "self" or any kind of proper mental functioning got completely halted...

Besides a few cord pulls and yelling, nothing concrete was ever really done, so I ended up figuring that nobody can or really wants to stop me. This just made me keep zoning out in school and plugging myself back into the online world the moment I got home. My social kick came out of Twitch streamers and Youtubers which was apparently enough for me...

Since I got that social interaction from the online world I fell down some pretty weird paths, ideologies, content creators and other stuff, which ended up with me attaching myself to antisocial loser streamers who were making clowns out of themselves for views. I was a young, stupid and impressionable kid, so I decided to mirror those personalities and adopt them in real life. That's how I went through my entire elementary and high school days. I genuinely thought that was the way to act...

It's fucking wild now that I think about it... I literally copied weirdo online people and applied their personalities to myself. Unsurprisingly that didn't mesh at all with normal folks, but since that was the only socialization that I had I didn't think much of it... My personality through out my growing up period moved according to what I watched online. I'm literally a definition of a hollow husk that got grown in a pod full of screens. A life completely wasted. Fuck this shit...

Yeah. How else did it mess u up other than having no personality? Personally it just broke me in so many ways, physically too due to being sedentary for so long.

 

[DesperateOne]

Yeah. How else did it mess u up other than having no personality? Personally it just broke me in so many ways, physically too due to being sedentary for so long.

Yeah mentally I'm completely gone. Physically as well. I have no stamina, getting into the overweight territory since I pretty much down any sort of food just to feel alive, lots of migraines etc..

Been keeping up with what happened to a Youtuber TwoMad recently. I really resonate with this video a person about him and it made me almost cry.

 

[26mmmm]

Have you already given up due to all these issues?
I personally have been trying to fix my life for a few years now but failed miserably because I just wasn't equipped to deal with things.
I've decided that I want to improve myself in all the areas I lack in due to isolation and bad parenting, but if I can't do that ill CTB.
I barely have any hopes anymore, my chances are pretty low.
Just sucks being set back so badly without being able to make things right.

 

[DesperateOne]

Have you already given up due to all these issues?
I personally have been trying to fix my life for a few years now but failed miserably because I just wasn't equipped to deal with things.
I've decided that I want to improve myself in all the areas I lack in due to isolation and bad parenting, but if I can't do that ill CTB.
I barely have any hopes anymore, my chances are pretty low.
Just sucks being set back so badly without being able to make things right.

I honestly really don't know what to do... I feel like if I unplug and let my brain reset to normal levels, my brain wont be able to handle all the things that I've been pushing in the back of my mind for a solid decade, which means that I will most likely end up in a psych ward. We will see, so far it is looking like I'll CTB, its just too much shit.

 

[26mmmm]

I honestly really don't know what to do... I feel like if I unplug and let my brain reset to normal levels, my brain wont be able to handle all the things that I've been pushing in the back of my mind for a solid decade, which means that I will most likely end up in a psych ward. We will see, so far it is looking like I'll CTB, its just too much shit.

Have you ever tried to improve in any way before?
You're probably in a deep comfort zone just like me, I suggest stepping outside of it gradually if you can.
Things definitely can get better or atleast change, from personal experience.
Might have just reached the barrier personally tho.

 

[timeless001]

It be what it be. The solution is to throw out your computer and touch grass. Otherwise you will be like this for the rest of your life. I'm very similar to you, DesperateOne. I fucked up my life in ways you can't even imagine. I will have to live with the consequences for the rest of my life and be a warning to others. But somehow I feel like now it's the time to change.

 

[26mmmm]

It be what it be. The solution is to throw out your computer and touch grass. Otherwise you will be like this for the rest of your life. I'm very similar to you, DesperateOne. I fucked up my life in ways you can't even imagine. I will have to live with the consequences for the rest of my life and be a warning to others. But somehow I feel like now it's the time to change.

Easier said than done for some. Sometimes the damage is just irreversible. Sometimes even if theoretically things might be fixable, they might not be practically.

 

[timeless001]

Change is inevitable. Things are always in motion. Even if some things are beyond repair.

 

[DesperateOne]

It be what it be. The solution is to throw out your computer and touch grass. Otherwise you will be like this for the rest of your life. I'm very similar to you, DesperateOne. I fucked up my life in ways you can't even imagine. I will have to live with the consequences for the rest of my life and be a warning to others. But somehow I feel like now it's the time to change.

I don't know if I have the strength to even attempt recovery. A lot of people have some sort of foundations in their psyche that they can rely on to move on through life. A lot of people have family or friends or have at least some sort of concrete real life experiences.

What happens if you don't have any of that? I have nothing to stand on and I'm completely disconnected from my countries culture, people and family ever since I was 10. I was a weirdo before this addiction even began, now I'm just a completely delusional and narcissistic hollow human being. My foundations are the internet and the fantasy structure that I have built in isolation which doesn't mesh with real life at all...

Like 26mmmm said, some things are just irreparable. I hate myself and the people that allowed me to live like this, or maybe I was just born fucked, who knows...

Sorry, I'm yapping way too much...

 

[barkbark]

i grew up being "homeschooled" which really meant just not being properly given an education and allowed to sit in my room 24/7. i can't get a job because i don't even have a properly recognized certification of even passing high school (i mean, i technically do, but it's only recognized in the state i live in as far as i understood and it's a whole technical mess) and i didn't learn enough from my unrestricted internet access and hyperfixations to get a real certification since i never wanted to learn most of the requirements to pass. i just learned stuff like programming, gaming stuff, music, art, a bit of queer theory and some politics, etc. but nothing really applicable to an average job and the closest thing i have to "socializing" is, at best, with discord friends wasting my life away playing games every day.

it's only natural that nowadays i don't go outside for months to even years at a time nowadays. internet addiction rotted my brain but at least i get my dopamine fix right?

 

[Trakehner]

I've never interacted with others much, but was more social as a young child than I am now. I am neurodivergent though which inherently makes life more difficult. My parents didn't let me go out much either and instead gave me electronics with unrestricted access. I wasn't so afraid to speak then, but usually chose not to as I preferred my own company.

I began isolating in my early teens and have never progressed. Mentally, I'm still 12 years old. I feel very behind other people my age who have jobs and active social lives. I spend almost all of my waking hours in my room online either playing video games or on some social network - which is my only form of human interaction. I've developed an eating disorder and have watched a lot of things like gore and fell down rabbit holes of various ideologies.

I used to have so much potential but because of my inability to socialize, it's all gone to waste. I'm permanently ostracized from the world and no one wants anything to do with a loser like me. Part of me desires connecting with people, but I hate being around them because I can't relate to anyone.

 

[26mmmm]

I don't know if I have the strength to even attempt recovery. A lot of people have some sort of foundations in their psyche that they can rely on to move on through life. A lot of people have family or friends or have at least some sort of concrete real life experiences.

What happens if you don't have any of that? I have nothing to stand on and I'm completely disconnected from my countries culture, people and family ever since I was 10. I was a weirdo before this addiction even began, now I'm just a completely delusional and narcissistic hollow human being. My foundations are the internet and the fantasy structure that I have built in isolation which doesn't mesh with real life at all...

Like 26mmmm said, some things are just irreparable. I hate myself and the people that allowed me to live like this, or maybe I was just born fucked, who knows...

Sorry, I'm yapping way too much...

You should atleast try, like I said you can start really small.
Having suicide as an option will guarantee peace eventually, regardless of how things go for you.

 

[timeless001]

I'm sorry. I felt a lot like you while I was in isolation and lost in a narcissistic fantasy. I was pushed out of this in a very humiliating and painful way. Actually for the second time, because apparently the first time wasn't enough. It's cruel but really the only thing that cuts through the delusion. There was a lot of suicide ideation and the only thing that saved me was contacting some relatives.

Isolation really is one of the most harmful thing a human can experience. Especially if it's self-imposed. It's so insidious because it feels so nice at the beginning. You only start to notice the harmful effects when it's too late.

I think you really need someone to break your fantasy, so you have no other way but to get back to reality. It will feel very horrible and during that time you at most risk to ctb, but if you push through it and are lucky, you will find reasons to still hang on to life and also to take the necessary steps to bring meaningful change. Of course, that could be another narcissistic fantasy, but who knows.

 

[UnrepentantSunrise]

i grew up being "homeschooled" which really meant just not being properly given an education and allowed to sit in my room 24/7

literally my exact situation what the hell