Kanau_Nano
Student
- Apr 12, 2026
- 145
Tldr I'm a very jealous person.
I always wanted to graduate college, so when I hear other people talk about doing that and the fun times they had i feel so bad. Or people talking about how they had fun in their childhood. Meanwhile that's when I started messing my life up and it was a nightmare. I feel so jealous. When I talk to people with a really good job or money, I feel like I'm a lesser person then them. People will say they never dealt with mental issues or trauma and it makes me uncomfortable. When people have parents with money, and grew up with loving, non abusive, and non negligent parents, I wish it was me. When people have siblings they are super close to it reminds me of how I used to have that and I get depressed. When i hear others speak excitedly about ambitions and dreams I feel worthless for feeling I could never achieve mine, if i even have any at the time. I see people converse with others so easily, and I wonder why I'm so broken. I see people so in love then I start to feel horrible for not being able to feel that way towards partners. I can only feel a sick obsession and fear. I get told about or see people with large groups of friends and it reminds me how socially awkward and unstable I am. I destroy everything. I'm also sad when people have had friends for many years. I wish i could do that. When others can live in the moment, and not constantly worry or feel trapped in the past i want to cry. I wonder how others can be so proud of themselves or be mentally stable, it seems magical. When I see someone very skilled in a hobby they love or working so hard on things, I wonder why I wasted so much of my life. I feel so ashamed. I thought I'd be dead by now, and I wish I was instead of continuing on. I feel so awkward, and less than other people with good lives. I feel i don't deserve to be around them.
I'm so jealous of people who end up recovering, and doing well in life. I feel like I'm a failure. I really did try at times. I don't understand why I can't feel better. Maybe cause i let everything snowball and get so much worse for so long. I only feel better temporarily. I'm given some hope so it can be crushed again.
I'm a very jealous person. I mean I do feel happy for and like to see others doing well. It just also really hurts me and that makes me feel like a horrible, and pathetic person. Maybe I am a bad person. I have done things I truly wish i could change. And on top of that I plan to ctb despite knowing it will hurt others. I wish they would understand ctb is the best thing for me.
Does anyone else feel similar, or have a good way to cope? Sry for the long vent, had something bad happen and got into a mood.
I always wanted to graduate college, so when I hear other people talk about doing that and the fun times they had i feel so bad. Or people talking about how they had fun in their childhood. Meanwhile that's when I started messing my life up and it was a nightmare. I feel so jealous. When I talk to people with a really good job or money, I feel like I'm a lesser person then them. People will say they never dealt with mental issues or trauma and it makes me uncomfortable. When people have parents with money, and grew up with loving, non abusive, and non negligent parents, I wish it was me. When people have siblings they are super close to it reminds me of how I used to have that and I get depressed. When i hear others speak excitedly about ambitions and dreams I feel worthless for feeling I could never achieve mine, if i even have any at the time. I see people converse with others so easily, and I wonder why I'm so broken. I see people so in love then I start to feel horrible for not being able to feel that way towards partners. I can only feel a sick obsession and fear. I get told about or see people with large groups of friends and it reminds me how socially awkward and unstable I am. I destroy everything. I'm also sad when people have had friends for many years. I wish i could do that. When others can live in the moment, and not constantly worry or feel trapped in the past i want to cry. I wonder how others can be so proud of themselves or be mentally stable, it seems magical. When I see someone very skilled in a hobby they love or working so hard on things, I wonder why I wasted so much of my life. I feel so ashamed. I thought I'd be dead by now, and I wish I was instead of continuing on. I feel so awkward, and less than other people with good lives. I feel i don't deserve to be around them.
I'm so jealous of people who end up recovering, and doing well in life. I feel like I'm a failure. I really did try at times. I don't understand why I can't feel better. Maybe cause i let everything snowball and get so much worse for so long. I only feel better temporarily. I'm given some hope so it can be crushed again.
I'm a very jealous person. I mean I do feel happy for and like to see others doing well. It just also really hurts me and that makes me feel like a horrible, and pathetic person. Maybe I am a bad person. I have done things I truly wish i could change. And on top of that I plan to ctb despite knowing it will hurt others. I wish they would understand ctb is the best thing for me.
Does anyone else feel similar, or have a good way to cope? Sry for the long vent, had something bad happen and got into a mood.
