Venting Nobody there

[princeseadove]

Today was my friends birthday, and we were planning on watching a show together but it completely slipped his mind. That doesn't bother me, as I already knew it would happen. All I could think about how kind of fucked I am. Narcissistic right? To think of your own self on somebody's birthday. To be fair these feelings always lingered. My friend is very popular, he is just an online friend but online and outside he is practically shining. He is extremely well adjusted and just, stable. With so many others. While I'm still stuck, with my own predicament with barely any friends or jobs or anything noteworthy of me at all. The people who are supposed to take care of me, don't. The people who are supposed to love me, don't. I'm suicidal and it doesn't matter to them not even a little bit. My psychosis, my BPD, everything, it doesn't matter. I am stuck at home, with no friends becsuse my dad has dragged me into a place where it's so abysmally HORRIBLE I'll be better off not talking to people.

Getting excited over getting your own silverware, going out with friend, hiking, going to visit a library. I want to do all of this. But I don't think I get to live. I am in too much pain, to many problems, too many, I'll rather just abandon everything and give into delusion and kill myself. I don't want to suffer anymore, I don't want to be disabled, I want to create, but I can not do that so let me die.

 

[EternalShore]

I'm sorry to hear that you 2 couldn't watch a show together~ :(
I wish you could be just as popular as him and live in a nice area where you could enjoy yourself and get irl friends too and not be in such mental anguish~ >_< but unfortunately, life is cruel and throws so many of us by the wayside~ :( and people can be so selfish and never think of nor care of others because they're so worried about their own wellbeing~ >_<
It'd be so nice to have friends and not be so mentally struggling for me too~ >_<

 

[princeseadove]

I'm sorry to hear that you 2 couldn't watch a show together~ :(
I wish you could be just as popular as him and live in a nice area where you could enjoy yourself and get irl friends too and not be in such mental anguish~ >_< but unfortunately, life is cruel and throws so many of us by the wayside~ :( and people can be so selfish and never think of nor care of others because they're so worried about their own wellbeing~ >_<
It'd be so nice to have friends and not be so mentally struggling for me too~ >_<

Thank you, you're too nice. I just wish I was free in some way, death or success or freedom I don't know. I hope things will be kind FID the both of us