Venting nobody really understands

[23421]

aside from users on this website. i know most of you guys get it, most of you understand what its like to live with pain and keep pushing for reasons that are only good enough for a few hours, or days, or weeks until this feeling comes back. but people around me just dont get it. they want me to stay, and they say the same things i have heard a million times before. it gets on my nerves, so much, because all i want is compassion, but they just have to drown me with this guilt for taking my life and "oh but what would this and that person think and feel???" I DONT CARE! WHY AM I OBLIGED TO SUFFER THROUGH THIS HELL JUST FOR SOMEONE TO BE HAPPY? and then they get offended and upset at me, as if my life goal is to exist for them to not have to go through grief.

anyway, today or tomorrow or this week hopefully i will be talking to my ex one last time and sometime this or next year i will be taking my leave. i am tired. nothing is ever satisfying, everything is boring without him, i tasted love and now that i know i cant have it with this specific person - as well as a myriad of other reasons - i just dont feel like being alive anymore. i would say im happy when i sleep, but even there nightmares follow. i would be happy to finally unplug and let myself rest, forever.

 

[LunarEc]

That is sort of the go to response. If you can't help someone from hurting themselves what other options do you got? They'll resort to guilt tripping you, make you feel guilty and as if your life coming to an end will make others suffer, that may be true for a week or a month, but it'll eventually pass along. I know I'll be grieved as well, however, I wouldn't be if I had told them or shared one thing that flies around my mind. They see me as this pathetic loser who tried to end his life just because he went through some really tough time. Good luck on your journey though, find a peaceful way out if you ever decide to go through with it, and don't make it too painful on yourself.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand as I just want to rest as well, I just want to be free from all the suffering, I also feel really tired of it all, it feels so cruel to me how there's no acceptance towards not wanting to suffer in this existence with suffering seen as to force and prolong no matter what instead but anyway I wish you the best, I hope you find peace.

 

[SoulCage]

No they really don't. Have been hearing today many times that I "just need to be positive" and just "believe in the process" and "just be resilient". They don't even understand how much it hurts every day to fight against our basic instinct of self-preservation. That my pragmatic brain tells me there is no hope because of all the data it has. But still wants to survive against all odds. Every day like this is torture.
I remember the times when I wasn't depressed/suicidal, but I knew about people who said they were. I felt empathy for those people, but I did not imagine that it would feel this bad. You never know how it really is until you feel it yourself.

 

[fly]

aside from users on this website. i know most of you guys get it, most of you understand what its like to live with pain and keep pushing for reasons that are only good enough for a few hours, or days, or weeks until this feeling comes back. but people around me just dont get it. they want me to stay, and they say the same things i have heard a million times before. it gets on my nerves, so much, because all i want is compassion, but they just have to drown me with this guilt for taking my life and "oh but what would this and that person think and feel???" I DONT CARE! WHY AM I OBLIGED TO SUFFER THROUGH THIS HELL JUST FOR SOMEONE TO BE HAPPY? and then they get offended and upset at me, as if my life goal is to exist for them to not have to go through grief.

anyway, today or tomorrow or this week hopefully i will be talking to my ex one last time and sometime this or next year i will be taking my leave. i am tired. nothing is ever satisfying, everything is boring without him, i tasted love and now that i know i cant have it with this specific person - as well as a myriad of other reasons - i just dont feel like being alive anymore. i would say im happy when i sleep, but even there nightmares follow. i would be happy to finally unplug and let myself rest, forever.

Hi,
i sense some hope in your message. Speaking for myself but aswell as an idea whuch could help you are psychatrys. Youll instantly find people that understand you with their whole mind and sometimes even heart. You can DM me your country of residence to direct some ressources to you. Thats some idea?

Love you all <3

 

[human909]

The things about this world is that they don't get the pain we've been dealing with, i hope at somepoint they do understand and just let us go instead of keeping us here like some sort of slave. I wish to leave and be at peace i am very tired.

 

[lawr]

Felt that. I would say that love is one of, if not the only thing that makes life worth living. When you can't have it it's hard to feel like anything you do has purpose. And self-love is a farce.

 

[Electra]

Oh yeah, people who haven't experienced it, cannot relate.

 

[relapse]

A lot of people just say shit in hopes it will make them look like a good person, they're not trying to be actually helpful. They'll just pull the same response you've already heard before but with the words in a different order, send you a hotline, tell you to go to therapy or in the worst case tell you that you're selfish and a horrible person for wanting to die. And after all of that, they'll get angry at you if none of it helped. I've given up telling people for this exact same reason, all others want is to hear themselves, not you.