Venting no way out of this fuckass brain

[savvy]

fuck fuck fuck this brain. fuck this existence. fuck everybody that has ever interacted with me. fuck the person that i am. fuck how pathetic, miserable and ugly i am. fuck this brain of mine that can't just be. fuck this brain of mine that wants to die, without being able to find a way to do it.

i want to relapse. i don't need to, i want to. i want to because i want to. fuck my state of mine. fuck my pain. fuck not being able to do absolutely anything. i want to self harm. because i want to. because it makes me feel. because i like it. because it's my best friend. because i like seeing open cuts on me. because i like carving into my body to no end. because it makes me feel special about my pain tolerance. because it makes music sound nicer. because it makes tv shows watchable. because spicy showers are comfortable. because waking up to blood all over my bed feels however it feels. because i want to. because i just want to.

i don't hurt people physically. i don't manipulate people. i don't hurt people on purpose. i don't put bad things out into the world. i simply want to hurt myself. because i want to.

 

[3rdworldsadness]

Existence is horrible, fuck everything too. I'm tired too with this horrible stupid life...I hate how my meatbody and it's colour all people care. I'm just a dirty human for them I wish I never was born in this vile existence. I never did self harm cause my skin is already my self harm and what people say....death is the only self-care I see Infront of me. I just wish we can escape from this horrible world. I hope you peace and sending hugs.