LonelyKitten
Seeking one final escape
- Aug 13, 2023
- 284
meow.
I had a curious discovery while setting up and testing full suspension hanging.
While previously whenever I've tested partial hanging or night-night, my survival instinct set in very strongly (mostly worrying about brain damage), oddly enough, when testing out full-suspension, no SI set in at all?
Two instances stood out:
1) I accidently kicked away the chair.
Ironically, in a manner similar to survival instinct-influenced actions?
Sort of in that panicked state, almost as if my body went like "I have to die!", just in complete opposite of SI's "I have to live!".
"Fortunately", the knot was not yet fully tightened (one hand was between rope and neck) and the rope was not positioned high up enough, so I managed to salvage myself out of there.
Was either circumstance missing, I'd be gone right now.
But you know what?
I didn't... Panic all that much. I was worried and got myself out, but it was more a, conscious effort, rather than the usual forced, automatic response I've noticed from survival instinct. In a sense, I almost wouldn't have... minded if that was it.
2) I tested, this time very carefully, with the knot as tight as it gets around my neck, and the rope high up enough I'd be fully suspended.
With even just one foot slightly off the chair, I could feel the pressure on my neck was *immense*.
It was unlike anything I'd ever felt before. And in fact, the rope and knot only tightened further and further in response to any struggle.
Definitely a goner if I'd stepped off the chair. Very quickly, very easily.
Again, I had to be very conscious about moving back out of there. This time it wasn't accidental or desperate, but still...
There was almost this sense of peace, and I felt, disappointed that I "had to" leave and not just finish the job.
It's almost like this method is invoking the inverse of survival instinct in me - it's drawing me to it!
I'm gonna call this counter-SI.
I'm even having trouble coming up with any reason, any logic not to do it??
Everything else I've tried so far has invoked panic, or made me come up with multitudes of bullshits and things I should do and try.
But that isn't... Happening here.
I already know it all anyhow, what I could try.
But do I need to?
This seems so peaceful... Even though I'd die in the country I hate, even that no-no no-go of mine, I didn't seem to care about it.
All my worries, just washed away...
I had a curious discovery while setting up and testing full suspension hanging.
While previously whenever I've tested partial hanging or night-night, my survival instinct set in very strongly (mostly worrying about brain damage), oddly enough, when testing out full-suspension, no SI set in at all?
Two instances stood out:
1) I accidently kicked away the chair.
Ironically, in a manner similar to survival instinct-influenced actions?
Sort of in that panicked state, almost as if my body went like "I have to die!", just in complete opposite of SI's "I have to live!".
"Fortunately", the knot was not yet fully tightened (one hand was between rope and neck) and the rope was not positioned high up enough, so I managed to salvage myself out of there.
Was either circumstance missing, I'd be gone right now.
But you know what?
I didn't... Panic all that much. I was worried and got myself out, but it was more a, conscious effort, rather than the usual forced, automatic response I've noticed from survival instinct. In a sense, I almost wouldn't have... minded if that was it.
2) I tested, this time very carefully, with the knot as tight as it gets around my neck, and the rope high up enough I'd be fully suspended.
With even just one foot slightly off the chair, I could feel the pressure on my neck was *immense*.
It was unlike anything I'd ever felt before. And in fact, the rope and knot only tightened further and further in response to any struggle.
Definitely a goner if I'd stepped off the chair. Very quickly, very easily.
Again, I had to be very conscious about moving back out of there. This time it wasn't accidental or desperate, but still...
There was almost this sense of peace, and I felt, disappointed that I "had to" leave and not just finish the job.
It's almost like this method is invoking the inverse of survival instinct in me - it's drawing me to it!
I'm gonna call this counter-SI.
I'm even having trouble coming up with any reason, any logic not to do it??
Everything else I've tried so far has invoked panic, or made me come up with multitudes of bullshits and things I should do and try.
But that isn't... Happening here.
I already know it all anyhow, what I could try.
But do I need to?
This seems so peaceful... Even though I'd die in the country I hate, even that no-no no-go of mine, I didn't seem to care about it.
All my worries, just washed away...
