No sense of home.

[NihilusVan]

I feel lost, wandering while trapped in the same endless cycle of misery, self-pity and cruel trial. I have no skill, I have no job and I dropped out of college, maybe people are right when they said I was lazy, gutless and faint-hearted. I wish there was a place where people didn't try to laugh at me, prompting me to do the same just to get a false sense of belonging. I'm tired of having nowhere to scream vigorously, no shoulder to cry on, no back to hug tightly. Maybe no one loves me that much, maybe I'm just what insults and abuse made me to be.

 

[birdbones]

I wish that it was easier to find words for comfort. I understand the feelings you've articulated here. I also struggle with a lifetime of people calling me lazy, stupid, careless, etc. Even now, decades later, I struggle to find where my mental illness ends and laziness begins. I don't know you, I don't know how you feel inside, I can't imagine your unique circumstances. But for what it's worth, I hear you. I think I understand. I am sending you internet hugs.

 

[SMG08ABUSER]

It's a feeling that's all too relatable for me. I've lost count of the amount of times I felt very homesick while literally lying down in my bed at home. 12 years and counting, starting when I was 14 years old on the first day of high school.

 

[dearlydeparted44]

I'm tired of having nowhere to scream vigorously, no shoulder to cry on, no back to hug tightly. Maybe no one loves me that much, maybe I'm just what insults and abuse made me to be.

I feel every word of this. No matter where I've gone, what I've done, or who I was with, this life has NEVER felt like home for me. I have never belonged anywhere. I feel like I was kidnapped by an evil person and made to make their real children feel better about themselves because of the way that person abuses me. I feel like an alien walking in human form. This world, this life, have never felt like home for me. Furthermore, I hate the part of my life where I tried so hard to fit into this sick shitshow. I hate that I tried to be 'normal.' I hate that I tried to connect with fake and evil people who only care about themselves.

So, I can relate to this a lot. I'm actually happy that I don't fit into such a mean and disgusting world amongst a bunch of mean and disgusting people. I don't see being like them or being liked by them as some validation of my existence. I'm glad that I've found the way out of this and way to defeat this life.

I hope you can find peace, no matter what you choose to do.