Venting No real mommy

[Archness]

I hate her, she should drop dead, maybe I'll kill her even.

She's not my real mom, she's more like an unforgiving warden in this prison called life. Acting as if random treats and simple politeness can make up for her genuine disdain and hate for me. Everything's just a tool to create her ideal child.

Saying I'm worthless with a shit life and then continuing like nothing happened, just an excuse to let out her bad feelings onto me.

I wish I could just disappear....

I wish I was a small child held by a real mom, so close to her heart. Sweet, gentle, who genuinely loves me, with a passion for her child instead of a necessary job. A mommy I could love back, who won't have to order and demand for me to help her.

But no, I came from this fucking bitch who had expectations before I was born! Who will always find ways to be dissatisfied. Who thinks of love as just some kind of reward or necessary part of being a mother.

I can never love her, never see her as more then a "Biological mother". Who thinks being nice is the same as love, who calls her own loathing and anger "love". Who can act out at me and completely ignore what she herself did.

She's not my real mom. My real mom would actually help, not just yell and scream at me to "do better", She'd actually comfort me instead of abandoning me to sob and cry after she got angry and lashed out...

It's too late tho. I still wish I was little and could experience this real mommy. Being able to turn back to a child and be adopted by a beautiful motherly woman for a few days would be good.

Unfortunately, I'm a useless adult who's suppose to just get over these kinds of things and do "Adult things" .

 

[Enlighten]

I hate her, she should drop dead, maybe I'll kill her even.

She's not my real mom, she's more like an unforgiving warden in this prison called life. Acting as if random treats and simple politeness can make up for her genuine disdain and hate for me. Everything's just a tool to create her ideal child.

Saying I'm worthless with a shit life and then continuing like nothing happened, just an excuse to let out her bad feelings onto me.

I wish I could just disappear....

I wish I was a small child held by a real mom, so close to her heart. Sweet, gentle, who genuinely loves me, with a passion for her child instead of a necessary job. A mommy I could love back, who won't have to order and demand for me to help her.

But no, I came from this fucking bitch who had expectations before I was born! Who will always find ways to be dissatisfied. Who thinks of love as just some kind of reward or necessary part of being a mother.

I can never love her, never see her as more then a "Biological mother". Who thinks being nice is the same as love, who calls her own loathing and anger "love". Who can act out at me and completely ignore what she herself did.

She's not my real mom. My real mom would actually help, not just yell and scream at me to "do better", She'd actually comfort me instead of abandoning me to sob and cry after she got angry and lashed out...

It's too late tho. I still wish I was little and could experience this real mommy. Being able to turn back to a child and be adopted by a beautiful motherly woman for a few days would be good.

Unfortunately, I'm a useless adult who's suppose to just get over these kinds of things and do "Adult things" .

I'm sorry you're mom doesn't fulfill the role of a real mother. I really emphatize with you. There is almost nothing more important for a child then a mother.
I hope you will find other people to give you this love that you lacked by your mother.
If you want to talk/vent, feel free to DM me