Which deceased Sanctioned Suicide member impacted you the most

[Nobodi]

@Octavia This is my first post ever on this site I snoop around here and there. Just reading along until I finally decided to make an account. The was this farewell letter from a user name Octavia it hurt reading it.

Farewell letter

Note: This post was sent using a scheduled time. It is probably that I am busy being dead, so I apologise if I cannot reply to anyone. Mods, please disable this account on the 18th of August if there is not any further activity. I must admit did not exactly expect my last words to number in the...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[_AllCatsAreGrey_]

avaruus. May you be at peace Finnbro.

 

[XdragonsoulX]

Vizzy, his posts not only informational, but because reading his posts impacted me when I first came back to the forum after taking a break (June 2023) I'm not sure entirely why but it was the rawness I felt while reading his stuff that stuck with me. I hope he forever rests in peace

 

[Forever Sleep]

Lots of members have stayed in my thoughts. I likely won't name them all but:

GirlShappedWound. We PM'd a fair bit before she CTB a couple of years ago. I still think about her.

Another lady who left the site rather than CTB. We PM'd a fair bit too.

Also, another guy who just disappeared from the site. We PM'd a lot. I really don't know if he CTB, decided to leave the site or, if I offended him. That one was worse in a way- the not knowing.

Another member who CTB mainly because he couldn't handle the violent thoughts he was having towards others. I felt so bad for him. He'd had such a difficult life with abuse and it didn't sound like he had been helped by psychatric hospitals.

Also, other members that I didn't PM with but who's goodbye threads stayed with me. The first goodbye thread I ever came across was one. He had N. It felt so strange to think it was happening right now. He was so calm. There was another guy in some sort of sheltered housing that used SN. I felt a maybe weird sense of respect at how resourceful he was to both risk ordering SN to somewhere I'm sure they probably could intercept mail and to actually do it there. It made me feel like I had no excuse. He was so scared at the end but, he still did it.

Then, there are other members who I used to love reading their threads and 'seeing' them around the place where, I just don't know their fate. @ksp and @Ambivalent1 are two I haven't noticed in a while.

There are other members who are still with us and obviously, I'll respect their decision if they go but, I'll miss them a great deal.

 

[damienlerone03]

@4am
@everythingoes
@Pancake1230
@QueerMelacholy
@AmericanMary
@achb
@Themogger

there were a few others but these ones hit me the most.

 

[Heidi48]

deadbattery/ wonkeydonkey

 

[CatLvr]

I haven't been here very long but I read each of the Goodbye threads started since I found SaSu and they have, each and every one of them, taken a piece of my soul with them. I am both sad they are gone, and at the same time, so happy they have moved on and have peace. And I truly do believe they each have found peace. I do believe there is another realm after this one and it is much kinder and gentler there. If it weren't for my children I would already be there.

 

[lionetta12]

When I joined Sanctioned Suicide during the lockdown I have met many wonderful people from all over the world. There are members that I knew, spent time with online and later ctb. Many years later I still remember them because they taught me so much about life and how suicide truly is complex.

1) @AcornUnderground. She was an amazing woman who really loved life and didn't even want to die. AcornUnderground really loved her kids, her partner and had an amazing life until her diagnosis of sjögrens syndrome. I have never heard of this illness when she mentioned it. What I learned from her was this illness has no cure and leaves the sufferer in constant chronic pain and causes the persons health to deteriorate.

Reading her story made me realise that nobody wants to leave behind their family and loved ones but when pain whether emotional or physical is so strong the urge to kill yourself becomes so strong too and can't be avoided. She said so on many occasions she didnt want to die and wanted to live but illnesses just made life everyday intolerable . She tried numerous medicines to provide relief from her pain but nothing really worked. The condition left her physically disabled

She planned to kill herself by going to Switzerland using the assisted suicide programme called Pegasos. She was approved as a candidate for assisted suicide but the covid19 pandemic led to travel bans globalwide. She decided to kill herself at home and came on Sanctioned Suicide looking for methods. Her last post was August 2020. She was always very active and ever so kind to me.

2) @rebelsue She was very lovely and intelligent woman with a biology degree and she was also in a band.
She was around people who were really horrible to her and never appreciated her. Her parents were very abusive and even publicly put her down infront of other people. The husband was also not a nice man from the things she mentioned about him online. She shared her problems in her life that led to her wanting to kill herself.

Before she left at Sanctioned Suicide she snapped at me over a comment I made. On a thread she posted about being stressed with her life and I just made a suggestion of something fun to make her feel better. At I didn't don't know how border laws worked and I thought it was easy for a person in the USA to drive through the Canadian border and vist Canada. I suggested to her she should get her car and drive through the Canadian border and have fun in Canada for a day.

She got mad and snapped at me over my suggestion. I did apologie to her and she never accepted my apology. Another member told me she left Sanctioned Suicide in August 2020. I still feel bad many years later.

Which deceased Sanctioned Suicide member impacted you the most.

Within my first month on the forum, I spoke with a person who wanted to do SN that had just joined the forum as well. I never got any specific identifying information, but he gave me the backstory to what has happened in his life and his primary reasons. It was a middle-aged family oriented guy who was raising some other man's children togheter with his wife who was the mother of the kids. I tried to help and give suggestions for improving the situation he was in to make him maybe consider trying different things before he considers to legitimately CTB as a last resort. But then he told me about how his wife is cheating all the time with some drug and alcohol addict, she had now become addicted to various substances and alcohol due to that guy and would bring it home and around the children, she was basically neglecting the kids and her husband while also now abusing them, and their company that they built togheter might collapse soon due to this. He said he moved accross the country to be with her, to marry her and to take care of her children. He had no close friends or family nearby. He spent all his money and time on her and on building a company togheter with her. He felt helpless and he had tried to help his wife and sort out things with her, but she was spiriling too much into the addictions and abuse. He said what will happen next is that he will end up homeless because of this mess. I stopped suggesting "alternative solutions" at that point because I've been homeless myself once and also lost everything before too, so I understood that this was too much for him to handle and that I would be understanding and non-judging of whatever he decided is best for him. Being homeless and losing everything and everyone you care about is something that most people cannot handle well or at all. He said starting again from scratch at this age in life would be too difficult. He consumed the SN some days later and is now at peace and free from the situation. I do feel bad for the kids since it sounded like they would be left with no stable positive adult in their life anymore, I hope CPS got involved after he passed away since we spoke about how that at least should happen no matter if he stays or not. They really liked him as a father figure. Hope the kids are doing better now and that they are safe. He was a really good guy and did so much for a lot of people in his life, made me sad to think about how he felt that he couldn't take it anymore and that he was going to lose everything when he had sacrified so much for this person and her children. He didn't deserve that treatment. It definantly reminded me that when I'm kind and helpful to someone, I should never expect anything good out of it or anything in return, not even thank you's or basic respect, because people can just turn their back and do stuff like this to you no matter how nice and helpful you are to them.

Rest in peace T.

 

[Zaphkiel]

@GasMonkey

A well of knowledge about inerte gas, and always willing to help.
We dont really knows if he ctb'd but we knew he was planning to and not leaving a message iirc.

 

[nir]

@2ndme really got to me

 

[Hotsackage]

All ofem

 

[Defenestration]

J'ai du mal à moi souvenir des noms
Il y avait ici une personne qui vit en Iran....
Pas de nouvelles
@aminend non connecté depuis janvier 2023

 

[Archness]

@Netvor

We really connected, mutually, but he already had plans to CTB, and did it after just a few months.
I honestly feel like we could've been very close friends. Heck, I might've been willing to ctb /w him.

He's dead. Less then 2 hours before, he asked if I had anything to say. I had nothing, I could only say "Goodbye".
Even now, with this much time passing, I still have nothing to say to him, if I could back in those moments.

It's disappointing.

 

[CantDoIt]

Maybe @platoscavedweller, very insightful with lots of helpful commentary