Venting No one to turn to and no one to blame

[antilife]

It sucks that it is this way. You are who you are and you can't change it. So often I wish there was a God I could talk to and ask him why he is doing such a thing to us??? Why am I so weird, why don't I have a personality, why can't I speak to people at all, why is my mind so blank, why have I always been depressed, why can't I be like other people enjoying life??? There won't be an answer, I just feel punished with my existence and I don't want to live it this way. Nothing is going to change it, no fcking therapy is ever going to change my brain. If there is a God then he's a sadist and I hate him. I'm so angry at the universe that I am who I am. I wish it could be different. I wish I could be a happy human being who wants to live. But it's not this way. Can't blame anyone for it. The closer my point of no return is, the more I think about how I wish I could talk to something higher to say fuck you. Nobody knows If it's going to be the end for sure and I always have this thought that ctb would be considered as a sin. But what the hell is this implanted damn thought anyway? Why would some God even punish me for something he has created? It's not my fault That I am this way! Whatever. I don't actually believe in God. It's just thoughts. There isn't much left in my brain except for thoughts about non-existence.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existence certainly is too unnecessarily cruel, to me anything related to religion will always be fictional, I see existence itself as being a horrific mistake, existence is nothing more than an endless cycle of suffering and cruelty with no deeper purpose or meaning behind it. It's dreadful how people suffer all through no fault of their own and to me it's really understandable just wishing to be free.