Venting No one is genuinely happy right?

[heartinparadise]

If I could graph my suicidality vs time, the graph would look like a line with both sides 45 degrees from both the axes, and so I'm almost impressed by my linear progress.

I made a pie chart of my emotions, and I realize I don't experience positive emotion most of the time.
The big four things I feel are shame, guilt, fear, and frustration.

It is bizarre to me the overzealous focus the peers surrounding me in my real life toward living. They want to stay alive, wow, and they avoid death like the plague.
Someone said, "This plant(yew) is poisonous, it could even kill you." and then it is strongly advised against anyone eating it.
The people who wish to live, their desire to live seems almost religious.
It sounds weird. Like they are aliens.

I think all the people around me feel just as awful as I do all the time, but they are so much better at concealing their true sentiments.
that's not accurate, a lot of them probably do, but some don't
Take for example the lady on the radio I heard the other day. She laughing, smiling, talking about writing books.
Come on, no one has interests, we pretend to have hobbies so we can have things to speak about. Which I know I'm wrong about, and yet it feels right to believe in it.

 

[iloveeetreeeess1]

Dont think ive been happy for a very long time, ive just been coasting in life. Some days are easier than others, and the other days im just meh. I've gotten good at having a light in my eyes when I smile, and energy of happiness, its a blessing and a curse because people leave me alone, but one day I know its gonna get too much.

 

[Praying 4 a Miracle]

Some people are happy. I used to be (for 57 years). I'm hoping to return to it as well, but only time will tell. I wish every day that it had continued until the end of my time on Earth, but that was not in the cards. Perfectly normal to have ups and downs though, and that's basically the reality for most people. That's what I'm hoping to get back to, just the roller coaster ride of emotions that is normal life.

 

[pyx]

most people probably enjoy being alive. it's another thing to claim that people are kidding themselves because of some putative asymmetry between pleasure and pain