I dont know how i always go in circle arroud this, Month after month i spend most of my time alone, day after day i tell my self a self cragted mantra "no one cares about you, no one likes you, no one will ever care about you, no one will ever like you. You are alone d" la me as it is it helped me keeps going trough. it reminded me daily to expect to have no one but myself. Yet the other i was invated to a birthday party, i dont usually do anything for a birthday, no one ever calls, hell dont even i remember it; i said i will go but that i dont really get what we are celebrating, My colegue explain to me while looking kinda confused, that bithdays are ment to celevrate the live of person, to show that you care about someone: my colegue is a cool dude and i think he deserves it dont get me wrong but then i remebered that ive never got a happy birthday call, i could only dream of a party, i dont think anyone cared about my birthday since i was like 15. "no one cares about you, no one likes you, no one will ever care about you, no one will ever like you. You are alone D" then it hit me like a truck once again, im alone i will always be, im not worth a call from anyone and when i finally get the courage to shoot my brains of no once will care, its just so cruel so so cruel, i dont get it im that awfull? dont exepct any one but yourself i say to myself everyday yet i dont think my brain can truly assimilate those words. Why cant i just die?
Im sorry for the rant, and the bad english not a native speaker
Im sorry for the rant, and the bad english not a native speaker
