Venting No one came to my birthday party

[tipoftheRGB]

I planned weeks in advance for my friends to come to my birthday party which was yesterday, (my actual bday on the 11th) and the plan was, We go to my favorite restaurant, get dinner and then play some pool, and then head home to continue the night with some board games and mario party and a fire. I bought a bunch of snacks and fire wood and cleaned the whole area, I even set up some decorations at my house.
So I made a groupchat with 14 people in it. 5 had to cancel, 1 got sick, my dad got sick aswell. That's fine, people are still gonna come to the dinner.
So I have dinner with my friends, I got a 100 dollar gift card and an alcoholic drink. That's really all I got, but I don't care, I just wanted to spend time with them. And I knew that 6 of them weren't coming back to my place, so that left me with 3 people coming back to my place. And then. They cancelled last minute.
I'm so upset, this was my first every birthday party, I set everything up and spent weeks planning it. One of the guys who cancelled is my best friend in the whole world, he drove me home and asked if I was okay, I just said no and that it was probably the alcohol making me feel bad. I got home and my mum (yes I live with my mum) was like "Oh is it just you?" And I was like "yeah." And she asked if I was okay and I had to say yes before going to my room and breaking down.
I later had the fire by myself and my best friend called me to check on me.
I'm surprised I didn't relapse.
But yeah, that's it. I knew I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up, this happened last year aswell, god I hate my life I hate everyone. I want to ctb so bad, I clearly wouldn't be missed.

This happened to a guy I know on his 21st birthday. He booked a table at a bar and had more plans for the rest of the night. Everyone cancelled at the last minute, no one showed up and all the staff were looking at him with pity and he spent the night alone and he was very upset and embarassed. But I went to his 27th birthday party and it was an amazing time - a massive and really good house party full of friends who love him. He is really happy now, has loads of great friends, a great job, great life and he has an amazing gf and they are about to get married. You can be a "loser" one year and a winner with a great life just a few years down the line. He is an amazing human being and I'm glad he is in the world. I don't know anything about you but how many people attending your birthday party at a certain point in your life doesn't mean shit and doesn't say anything about you or your potential either.

But I am sorry this happened to you. I'd probably cry for a few days if this happened to me but I don't have the balls to celebrate my birthday so good for you for doing that for yourself because it is brave and vulnerable to put yourself out there like that. And being brave like that does pay off down the line whereas cancelling plans, being a flake and not taking risks can often lead to loneliness and regret.