sunnysidedown
should I kill myself, or have a cup of coffee?
- Jun 28, 2023
- 32
Visited this site for the first time in a while. I didn't even have a bad day today. Looking at the recent threads and only seeing unfamiliar usernames, I felt a painfully familiar pang in my chest. I hadn't felt it for a while, but it's a pain I know all too well.
I can't escape it. That sinking feeling that forces you under, the cyclical thoughts that stab your heart over and over… the call of suicide to the broken is a suffocating desire.
Sometimes I have days that are better than others, but no matter how happy I try to be, the weight in my shoulders is always still there. And I'm so fucking tired. I feel like I will never truly enjoy living, but I know I will never have enough motivation to die. I don't think I can ever be free.
I wonder what happened to the old frequent users i used to see here. I wonder if they've found freedom, either through death or finding a better life. Then I look at myself, still fucking here, unable to find either escape.
The new year only reminds me of how I still am alive, chained to the passing of time, trapped with my own misery. Maybe I hate myself so much that I'm forcing myself to exist. I don't know anymore. I don't want to know.
I can't escape it. That sinking feeling that forces you under, the cyclical thoughts that stab your heart over and over… the call of suicide to the broken is a suffocating desire.
Sometimes I have days that are better than others, but no matter how happy I try to be, the weight in my shoulders is always still there. And I'm so fucking tired. I feel like I will never truly enjoy living, but I know I will never have enough motivation to die. I don't think I can ever be free.
I wonder what happened to the old frequent users i used to see here. I wonder if they've found freedom, either through death or finding a better life. Then I look at myself, still fucking here, unable to find either escape.
The new year only reminds me of how I still am alive, chained to the passing of time, trapped with my own misery. Maybe I hate myself so much that I'm forcing myself to exist. I don't know anymore. I don't want to know.
