No matter how hard I try Nothing ever works out- ctb

[FireFox]

Right now I just want to take an overdose and never wake up ever again. I am just tired or it all and nothing ever working out. I really wanted to live and be happy and fought so hard throughout the years to achieve it but now I am done fighting. No matter how hard I try to improve my life nothing ever works out I am just sick and tired of it. I finally can't cope anymore. Life is a unfair game and I am done playing. I turn 27 and I have nothing to show for it.

Last month I got a job interview for a refuge worker role in a domestic violence refuge.The interview I really tried my best and showed my passion for why I wanted to work there. I was asked 12 questions by the panel.
The panel kept asking questions based on experiences people faced in their careers for example one question I was asked when have I ever carried out a risk assessment? I have never done a risk assessment in my working career. I explained to the interviewer that even though I never carried out a risk assessment I am opening to learning new things and a fast learner who picks up quickly on things. The experience based questions I struggled with because they were asking questions on things I have never done in my career.

I did very well on the questions asking me what is Domestic violence and the laws on UK domestic violence laws but still, it was not enough to convince the interviewer. My lack of experience is why I didn't get the job. its not fair i am opening to learn new things, i don't give up when things are difficult but no employer wants to give me a chance. Employers demand experience but don't want to train or help you how the hell is anyone supposed to grow career wise in the UK. I am stressed about the cv gap which I tried to close through volunteering and going on courses but I feel like am unemployable.

It is not just that I am sick and tired of nothing ever working out. Right now I would have been attending university lectures for my masters degree course but because of last minute issues over tuition fees I was forced to defer a year after that I just gave up because it was the only good thing I had going. I start in October but I don't care anymore because I am extremely far behind seeing everyone else getting married has worsened my depression and anoxeria because ifs reminder of how I failed to get a man and its too late for me to meet someone. All my life I have been rejected by men and the girl now woman who never gets picked. All I ever wanted was to be loved by a man, a career doing something meaningful and be happy. The world doesn't want me to have it because if it did everything wouldn't be a mess.

 

[AkaRed]

I know how you feel, life has been cruel to so many of us here and I hope you know you're not alone in this feeling.

Sending much love and support ;;

<3

 

[Lifeaffirmingchoice]

Right now I just want to take an overdose and never wake up ever again. I am just tired or it all and nothing ever working out. I really wanted to live and be happy and fought so hard throughout the years to achieve it but now I am done fighting. No matter how hard I try to improve my life nothing ever works out I am just sick and tired of it. I finally can't cope anymore. Life is a unfair game and I am done playing. I turn 27 and I have nothing to show for it.

Last month I got a job interview for a refuge worker role in a domestic violence refuge.The interview I really tried my best and showed my passion for why I wanted to work there. I was asked 12 questions by the panel.
The panel kept asking questions based on experiences people faced in their careers for example one question I was asked when have I ever carried out a risk assessment? I have never done a risk assessment in my working career. I explained to the interviewer that even though I never carried out a risk assessment I am opening to learning new things and a fast learner who picks up quickly on things. The experience based questions I struggled with because they were asking questions on things I have never done in my career.

I did very well on the questions asking me what is Domestic violence and the laws on UK domestic violence laws but still, it was not enough to convince the interviewer. My lack of experience is why I didn't get the job. its not fair i am opening to learn new things, i don't give up when things are difficult but no employer wants to give me a chance. Employers demand experience but don't want to train or help you how the hell is anyone supposed to grow career wise in the UK. I am stressed about the cv gap which I tried to close through volunteering and going on courses but I feel like am unemployable.

It is not just that I am sick and tired of nothing ever working out. Right now I would have been attending university lectures for my masters degree course but because of last minute issues over tuition fees I was forced to defer a year after that I just gave up because it was the only good thing I had going. I start in October but I don't care anymore because I am extremely far behind seeing everyone else getting married has worsened my depression and anoxeria because ifs reminder of how I failed to get a man and its too late for me to meet someone. All my life I have been rejected by men and the girl now woman who never gets picked. All I ever wanted was to be loved by a man, a career doing something meaningful and be happy. The world doesn't want me to have it because if it did everything wouldn't be a mess.

It all is quite hopeless and to me nonexistence is the only end to this madness.

 

[FireFox]

I know how you feel, life has been cruel to so many of us here and I hope you know you're not alone in this feeling.

Sending much love and support ;;

<3

@AkaRed Thanks its so reassuring knowing people here on this site actually get it and understand.

I really wanted to live but I am finally tired of it all. Everyday I feel defeated. I am so sick and tired of non mentally ill telling me "reach out" "help exists"- Help does not exist. NHS it is difficult to get help due to long waiting times and private healthcare options are expensive. If you want to work and no longer be on welfare the jobcentre in the UK doesn't help you find work. If you want to go to university to do a masters degree course it's too expensive even the student loan money they give you is not enough.

What help is there if you want to improve your life ? NONE.

It all is quite hopeless and to me nonexistence is the only end to this madness.

@Lifeaffirmingchoice One of the worst things about having mental illness is no one saw how hard you really fought to give yourself a good life and to not yet the mental illness win but in the end it does win.

If I had boyfriend, a stable job, independence, support to live and happiness i wouldn't want to kill myself anymore.

 

[Dayrain]

@FireFox I always get angry when I read such things. I mean from what I've read here in this post alone, as well as in other posts, I can tell that you would be so valuable for society. People like you just should get such jobs immediately after sending the application forms and shouldn't have to do such extensive interviews where you don't know anything about the place of work yet and the other side knows all. I'm sure that you were absolutely covincing. In the field you describe here there is an immense need for workers as far as I know and those who conduct these interviews make them as unpleasant and strict as if you were applying to a bank or a large company.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm so sorry. It's awful when we try so hard and keep being knocked back down.

I feel like it's still an employers market to me where literally hundreds of candidates could be going for that job. It's hard not to take it personally but realistically, they're going to go for the person they think is the best fit. All sorts of factors come in to play- experience, qualifications, how well they think that person will fit into the team they already have, whether they think the person will stay in the job even. So many things we have no control over. You could have done extremely well but been beaten by someone who just had that little bit extra experience.

I agree though, it utterly sucks when you're giving all you can and no one will give you a chance. I dread to think how many jobs I've been rejected from now. The worst were the ones that at least looked quite hopeful. It's pretty depressing considering just the money I spent travelling to interviews, doing skills tests etc. I'm sorry. I do know how depressing it is.

I guess I do hope you do your Masters in October and that it really turns things around for you. I was 28 when I did my second BA and, it did give me a new lease of life for a while at least. I hope the same thing happens for you although, I know it's not exactly a guarantee.

 

[FireFox]

I'm so sorry. It's awful when we try so hard and keep being knocked back down.

I feel like it's still an employers market to me where literally hundreds of candidates could be going for that job. It's hard not to take it personally but realistically, they're going to go for the person they think is the best fit. All sorts of factors come in to play- experience, qualifications, how well they think that person will fit into the team they already have, whether they think the person will stay in the job even. So many things we have no control over. You could have done extremely well but been beaten by someone who just had that little bit extra experience.

I agree though, it utterly sucks when you're giving all you can and no one will give you a chance. I dread to think how many jobs I've been rejected from now. The worst were the ones that at least looked quite hopeful. It's pretty depressing considering just the money I spent travelling to interviews, doing skills tests etc. I'm sorry. I do know how depressing it is.

I guess I do hope you do your Masters in October and that it really turns things around for you. I was 28 when I did my second BA and, it did give me a new lease of life for a while at least. I hope the same thing happens for you although, I know it's not exactly a guarantee.

@Forever Sleep Thanks I won't even fully enjoy doing my masters in October because of everything I missed out on and having the whole year wasted.

It's makes me angry knowing everything that I lost. I actually resent my mother for always sending money to help our relatives in her home country (African country) because none of it was worth it. If my relatives were not such awful people maybe I won't be as angry like I am. I actually hate my relatives because they are nothing users, emotional abusers, gossipers who love seeing other people fail in the family etc. My family continue to love and feel sorry for these entilted people who can do no wrong in their eyes.

One of the worst things growing up with African culture while living in a Western country is having our parents send money back home to thier home countries to help relatives.

My mum has the audacity to tell me "all this is part of God's plan" If God was good he would have given the best relatives in the world and made sure I started university last year. A good God would have never allowed this to happen to me.
Getting into that university was the only good thing that happened to me last year to have that taken away ( not really) I finally gave on up on life.

 

[Forever Sleep]

@Forever Sleep Thanks I won't even fully enjoy doing my masters in October because of everything I missed out on and having the whole year wasted.

It's makes me angry knowing everything that I lost. I actually resent my mother for always sending money to help our relatives in her home country (African country) because none of it was worth it. If my relatives were not such awful people maybe I won't be as angry like I am. I actually hate my relatives because they are nothing users, emotional abusers, gossipers who love seeing other people fail in the family etc. My family continue to love and feel sorry for these entilted people who can do no wrong in their eyes.

One of the worst things growing up with African culture while living in a Western country is having our parents send money back home to thier home countries to help relatives.

My mum has the audacity to tell me "all this is part of God's plan" If God was good he would have given the best relatives in the world and made sure I started university last year. A good God would have never allowed this to happen to me.
Getting into that university was the only good thing that happened to me last year to have that taken away ( not really) I finally gave on up on life.

I had a similar experience where I was just too late to apply when I'd decided to go back to uni and had to wait a year in which time, our glorious government decided to hike up the tuition fees by thousands of pounds. That kind of put me off but, I felt so lost at the time so, I went ahead with it anyway.

Our situations are different in that, I did have remnants of inheritance money I could use- which I was grateful for. Although not for the family members dying bit to receive it. But yeah, not everyone even gets a first shot at uni, let alone a second one.

It must be hard with your families split loyalties. Will they definitely fund you through it though? I just hope, when it starts, there's enough going on to take your mind off of family shit. Are you going to live in Halls of Residence?