porcupinetree
Fading in and out of misery
- Sep 13, 2023
- 19
It's been a rough couple of months. I no longer have thoughts of ctb however I am still going through a lot of anxieties/sadness.
I feel so guilty not being the best artist to ever exist. My burnout has been lasting since around June and hasn't stopped. It's to the point where i feel like im carrying around a corpse around when i draw or animate. I just really want to get rid of the competitiveness in my blood and just have fun doing things.
I am also sick of my existence being up for debate/offending others. I am asexual, and I have gotten some weird comments about it before (someone asked me if I would like to get raped) and being trans upsets a lot of people as well, including my parents. I want to take hrts and to get gender affirming surgery but they are against both. Now since I am underage I know I need to wait until I am fully done with puberty for both. I just want to do those things when my body is prepared for it.
Somehow my parents are claim to be ok with trans people, but as soon as its someone they know, they don't like it. I find it very odd because my dad has a trans aunt who he is very respectful towards (he uses her chosen name and pronouns and such) yet he chooses to look the other way with me.
I feel so guilty not being the best artist to ever exist. My burnout has been lasting since around June and hasn't stopped. It's to the point where i feel like im carrying around a corpse around when i draw or animate. I just really want to get rid of the competitiveness in my blood and just have fun doing things.
I am also sick of my existence being up for debate/offending others. I am asexual, and I have gotten some weird comments about it before (someone asked me if I would like to get raped) and being trans upsets a lot of people as well, including my parents. I want to take hrts and to get gender affirming surgery but they are against both. Now since I am underage I know I need to wait until I am fully done with puberty for both. I just want to do those things when my body is prepared for it.
Somehow my parents are claim to be ok with trans people, but as soon as its someone they know, they don't like it. I find it very odd because my dad has a trans aunt who he is very respectful towards (he uses her chosen name and pronouns and such) yet he chooses to look the other way with me.
