whatevs
Mining for copium in the weirdest places.
- Jan 15, 2022
- 2,913
The idea of striving, competing, confronting people, working hard and exerting myself is of no appeal to me anymore. I find it dreadful, all the strife needed every day to get food, clean yourself, not be trampled on by others. To learn skills, to obtain money. Even just exercising to not be fat it's miserable. But why the effort? I hate society, I am chronically ill and have no friends.
I enrolled in a programming course 1 year and a half ago and I am getting really sick of it. I'm a conspiracy theorist if you will, so these years of muzzles, frantic talk of positive cases and the implementation of a soft police state have taken it's toll. I'm sick of my clueless colleagues, which are only preoccupied with which country pays more for coding, and also sick of the teachers which couldn't be worse and less motivated. What a fucking rotten society, it shouldn't last long in it's current form.
Once the course gets to the work part, I will have to mingle with yet more people, and that's awful. Meeting new people is often a horrible experience because I am reminded again of how abnormal I am and how the majority will always democratically shape a society that has basically the opposite values of mine.
I just don't see why I should continue with this, but at the same time CTB seems rather hard to achieve, both physically and mentally. I also live with my parents, and one of my father's friends killed himself during "lockdown", a year ago. I knew the guy, talked with him a few times and to an extent I imagine why he did it. But the point is that the effect on my family would be pretty devastating.
I enrolled in a programming course 1 year and a half ago and I am getting really sick of it. I'm a conspiracy theorist if you will, so these years of muzzles, frantic talk of positive cases and the implementation of a soft police state have taken it's toll. I'm sick of my clueless colleagues, which are only preoccupied with which country pays more for coding, and also sick of the teachers which couldn't be worse and less motivated. What a fucking rotten society, it shouldn't last long in it's current form.
Once the course gets to the work part, I will have to mingle with yet more people, and that's awful. Meeting new people is often a horrible experience because I am reminded again of how abnormal I am and how the majority will always democratically shape a society that has basically the opposite values of mine.
I just don't see why I should continue with this, but at the same time CTB seems rather hard to achieve, both physically and mentally. I also live with my parents, and one of my father's friends killed himself during "lockdown", a year ago. I knew the guy, talked with him a few times and to an extent I imagine why he did it. But the point is that the effect on my family would be pretty devastating.
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