25jiyuki
Unrestrained
- Feb 25, 2025
- 50
My gf was my childhood friend and the closest person I had. She was always sweet and kind to me, even more so while dating. But eventually cracks started showing up in the relationship. She was too possessive, and kept assuming I was crushing on literally all of my friends or people except her. (Including someone underage..?)
It soon became clear that her insecurity was only going to hurt me. We broke up two months ago, but I said we could be friends. Why?
Despite all this shit I still felt like I needed her in my life.
There were endless times I was so close to attempting, and she would comfort me, or I'd think about her and find the will to keep living. Many times she'd stay up at night on the phone with me, talking to me so I wouldn't die. The only reason I kept up basic self-care was for her. Maybe she made me uncomfortable, but she still made me happy, so I stayed.
For what?
Now that I've fallen out of love and those rose-tinted glasses are off, I realize how pathetic I am.. There was nothing of substance here. Just like she said before cutting me off yesterday: "we aren't good for each other, even as friends".
Then why should I continue to go through with her wish of me getting help? It'd be easier to die.. I'm so sick. I'm sick of falling for the wrong people. I'm sick of being so stupid.
Of course, I have friends who want me to keep trying to recover, but I think I should cancel therapy and go straight to the grave.
i don't want to breathe any longer
It soon became clear that her insecurity was only going to hurt me. We broke up two months ago, but I said we could be friends. Why?
Despite all this shit I still felt like I needed her in my life.
There were endless times I was so close to attempting, and she would comfort me, or I'd think about her and find the will to keep living. Many times she'd stay up at night on the phone with me, talking to me so I wouldn't die. The only reason I kept up basic self-care was for her. Maybe she made me uncomfortable, but she still made me happy, so I stayed.
For what?
Now that I've fallen out of love and those rose-tinted glasses are off, I realize how pathetic I am.. There was nothing of substance here. Just like she said before cutting me off yesterday: "we aren't good for each other, even as friends".
Then why should I continue to go through with her wish of me getting help? It'd be easier to die.. I'm so sick. I'm sick of falling for the wrong people. I'm sick of being so stupid.
Of course, I have friends who want me to keep trying to recover, but I think I should cancel therapy and go straight to the grave.
i don't want to breathe any longer
