@b_adr ot has been frustrating. Ctb is much harder than most people imagine!
I ordered SN as a backup. It was showing them as delayed for several
days, and I felt so defeated because this weekend is my best for my CTB date. But then today I got a notification today that it will arrive tomorrow. We'll see!
For the nitrogen, I got lucky and got it off a local used website from someone who was retiring from HVAC and was selling equipment I just said I was picking it up for my dad. I've also seen it on the biggest website for selling everything here in the US.
The jerky arm movements were like mild convulsions. It was hard to control my arms and arms wanted to move on their own.
I held on for a good 30-40 seconds. Breathing was easy, but my breath got rapid and shallow. I didn't feel like I was suffocating though.
There wasn't much pain, more an intense feeling of pulling the hood off that overtook me. Like a physiological panic. I don't know how to rate that. Not something I've experienced before.
Took about 30-40s for my O2 to fall that far.
Thank you for the answers! Haha, "picking it up for my dad" has been my pre-planned response as well in case of needing an explanation. But for some reason it feels so difficult to lie!
But regarding the feeling you got, it actually could be very likely it is purely psychological. I have been actually experiencing something similar - for the past few days I have been trying to obtain the appropriate anti-emetics for SN, which has not been easy. Accordingly, during the nights, my brain is super overwhelmed with unwelcomed thoughts of how it will physically feel to vomit from SN and experience aspiration of gastric contents (which I know will ultimately lead to pulmonary obstruction). This article depicts wonderful photos from lungs after SN suicide:
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1752928X2300094X At night, all of this information just freely floats around in my brain, and I noticed that I began to physically feel nauseated, up to a point where I went to the bathroom as I though I felt I will actually vomit (but I didn't). As ChatGPT explained to me, this is actually a real phenomena facilitated by the central nervous system. So psychological stimuli can evoke real physical responses. As for your case, I would definitely take something for sedation and convulsions. And I am hoping to obtain nitrogen and use it as my primary method, and I would likely combine it with phenobarbital. But, then again, I am scared that nitrogen method, too, could be faulty, as I have read an account of someone simply waking up after 10 hours or so, covered in vomit and urine. I hate this wide variety of accounts so much.
Not sure of the details of your plan, but make sure that the cylinder does not fall and that you have strapped yourself as well. And I get that it might be difficult to put off the CTB date, but I would rather put it off a bit and instead make sure I have appropriate medications (as I am not sure propranolol would be of great help).
Either way, I hope all goes peacefully for you.