New member. Wrestled through life and hard times, made something good and had been blessed. Took it for granted and made some dumb decisions that fuel my anxiety about the future. The regrets and what ifs makd me greive. The grief makes me want to end myzelf of the pain
Have had thoughts of suicide for many months now
Went to an emergency room when panicking and anxiety was high, and they put me in the psych ward after asking those questions.
They immediately threw me on Lexapro and Seroquel.
The Lexapro made me feel flat and like I was on a cloud, gave me Insomnia instantly, and I could hear an echo I'd myself talking like I was out of my body. It made me drowsy but I could not sleep. They gave the Seroquel off label to make me sleep. I would only get about 3 or 4 hours of awful sleep with horrible dreams. Then crept in the hallucinations or voices, and I talked my way out of the ward, promising not to hurt myself. So in the 4th day they sent me home.
While at home I got worse. And started to taper off of the meds immediately. But some damage had been done already. I was home alone, and everyday was tying knots in a belt, jamming it into the door and slipping the loop around my neck and putting pressure on .
The Seroquel was making me tell myself to just do it and was making me angry at myself for being such an f'up.
So one morning when everyone left home, I jammed the belt in the door and sat with legs in front. It must have worked cuz I blacked out.
I came conscious to wrasping and ringing in my ears and me trying to unconsciously get my feet under me by I could not.
I was somehow able to grab a bench beside the door and pull myself enough to bend one knee and relieve pressure. I got the loop off my neck. Went to my bedroom. Lied down and took a nap. I almost died that time. This was the first of things to come. At first I was grateful to still be here. Did not tell the doc or anyone about it
Then as days went in, I got the urge and feel the pressure I feel still to this day. And then made my second move. For another post I guess.
Have had thoughts of suicide for many months now
Went to an emergency room when panicking and anxiety was high, and they put me in the psych ward after asking those questions.
They immediately threw me on Lexapro and Seroquel.
The Lexapro made me feel flat and like I was on a cloud, gave me Insomnia instantly, and I could hear an echo I'd myself talking like I was out of my body. It made me drowsy but I could not sleep. They gave the Seroquel off label to make me sleep. I would only get about 3 or 4 hours of awful sleep with horrible dreams. Then crept in the hallucinations or voices, and I talked my way out of the ward, promising not to hurt myself. So in the 4th day they sent me home.
While at home I got worse. And started to taper off of the meds immediately. But some damage had been done already. I was home alone, and everyday was tying knots in a belt, jamming it into the door and slipping the loop around my neck and putting pressure on .
The Seroquel was making me tell myself to just do it and was making me angry at myself for being such an f'up.
So one morning when everyone left home, I jammed the belt in the door and sat with legs in front. It must have worked cuz I blacked out.
I came conscious to wrasping and ringing in my ears and me trying to unconsciously get my feet under me by I could not.
I was somehow able to grab a bench beside the door and pull myself enough to bend one knee and relieve pressure. I got the loop off my neck. Went to my bedroom. Lied down and took a nap. I almost died that time. This was the first of things to come. At first I was grateful to still be here. Did not tell the doc or anyone about it
Then as days went in, I got the urge and feel the pressure I feel still to this day. And then made my second move. For another post I guess.
