Livingvsdying25
Enlightened
- Dec 8, 2019
- 1,188
Met with my workers and kinda regret it they want me to respond to text to them...
Like yee that's the bare minimum but I truly just want to isolate and be left alone. I expressed that. All that will happen is they call a fucking wellness check and I dont care about that either but would prefer not as I am not in the mood to talk to anyone.
Anyway... new method of choice might be Exit bag/inert nitrogen. It seems promising in that it's painless jus needa see about equipment and such.
I just can't/won't/don't want to do this life shit anymore... gonna reschedule all set appts this week and just allow myself to sit & simmer. Plan and such. I need an out of this life.
Today... I'm just tryna settle my brain & body. I do think I've experienced a nervous breakdown or 2 in the last month. I dunno what that means for me.
If I was tryna live... I wouldn't know where to go from here & it's hurtful to try to find answers & reasons when there just aren't any anymore. I've maxed out on my own resilience. The meeting could've been helpful but I'm tired of trying to find things that are not there.
Soo... after tearing up a little in the meeting I feel a bit sleepy. I don't really trust my workers in the sense of them possibly callin a wellness check on me today... I wouldn't be suprised or mad all things considered. So, I will be staying relatively awake for the next hour or so.
I already ate earlier I'm now limited to "safe foods" which for me is basically take out. Horrible for my wallet but better than starving rn. CBD has helped the pain a little/I feel a little more relaxed.
I even laughed a little at the cartoon playing in the background.
I just wanna relax. Get some sleep. Get payed for that event I did like a month ago. Buy some incense and not have to smell my neighbors cigarette smoke & enjoy my own sensory need stuff.
Otherwise... Im just gettin ready to die. I don't wanna concern myself with peoples worry anymore. I just wanna be forgotten. Ik how selfish that is. But im tired of everything.
Like yee that's the bare minimum but I truly just want to isolate and be left alone. I expressed that. All that will happen is they call a fucking wellness check and I dont care about that either but would prefer not as I am not in the mood to talk to anyone.
Anyway... new method of choice might be Exit bag/inert nitrogen. It seems promising in that it's painless jus needa see about equipment and such.
I just can't/won't/don't want to do this life shit anymore... gonna reschedule all set appts this week and just allow myself to sit & simmer. Plan and such. I need an out of this life.
Today... I'm just tryna settle my brain & body. I do think I've experienced a nervous breakdown or 2 in the last month. I dunno what that means for me.
If I was tryna live... I wouldn't know where to go from here & it's hurtful to try to find answers & reasons when there just aren't any anymore. I've maxed out on my own resilience. The meeting could've been helpful but I'm tired of trying to find things that are not there.
Soo... after tearing up a little in the meeting I feel a bit sleepy. I don't really trust my workers in the sense of them possibly callin a wellness check on me today... I wouldn't be suprised or mad all things considered. So, I will be staying relatively awake for the next hour or so.
I already ate earlier I'm now limited to "safe foods" which for me is basically take out. Horrible for my wallet but better than starving rn. CBD has helped the pain a little/I feel a little more relaxed.
I even laughed a little at the cartoon playing in the background.
I just wanna relax. Get some sleep. Get payed for that event I did like a month ago. Buy some incense and not have to smell my neighbors cigarette smoke & enjoy my own sensory need stuff.
Otherwise... Im just gettin ready to die. I don't wanna concern myself with peoples worry anymore. I just wanna be forgotten. Ik how selfish that is. But im tired of everything.
