either/or
The things you could do, you won't but you might
- Jun 7, 2025
- 5
I've had a long history with mental health issues, been depressed since I was about eleven. But once I turned fifteen, I finally got on meds that really helped, until I lost my fifteen year old brother to suicide this year. I was pretty freshly 18, I feel like my entire childhood died so suddenly that day. He didn't have any past issues with mental health, but he was very very impulsive. Shot himself about a week after he broke up with his girlfriend. I've had really dark moments in the past, I used to rely on self harm to cope ages 13-15, I thought I had made it past all that. But god I've never felt so alone. I miss my little brother so much, it's so unbearable at all times. I don't want to kill myself, I don't want to put my parents through that again and I don't want to hurt my boyfriend. But I just want to be with him. I don't know how I'm ever going to want anything else.
