dandelion_fluff
New Member
- Apr 12, 2026
- 1
I used to be a smart kid. I was somebody my parents were proud of. I used to get good grades and academic awards. I don't know what happened. I just stopped caring about school at some point, I lost motivation. The only reason I want to do good in school is to make my parents proud, but I don't care about it at all. The only reason why I graduated with honors from high school was to make them proud, and the only reason I transferred from community college to a 4 year university to major in biology was so I could go to med school and become a doctor. Why? To make tons of money and be able to support them. Have them retire from their hard jobs and enjoy life without having to work so much. To finally buy us a house like my mom has always dreamed of. It's the least they deserve. But I don't care about biology, in fact, I suck at these science classes. I can't retain the information, I lose motivation, and I get bored in lectures. It's pathetic. And it's finally caught up to me. I'm about to fail a class for the second time, which means that I now have to petition the school to let me take it again for the third time and hope they accept my reasons for it. And even then, I've gotta hope I can enroll in that class over the summer as that class is a prerequisite for basically all of the classes I'm taking next semester. So if I don't get it, I don't know what I will do. I just hate myself so much. This isn't just my future but my parents' future I'm fucking around with, and I have nothing to show for it. I'm a disgrace, and I don't see myself improving. If only I weren't so lazy and stupid and hardheaded. Sometimes I wish I were truly alone and didn't have my family to live for, then I wouldn't be feeling guilty over disappointing them and would just be able to end it all. But I think pretty soon, not even my love for my family will be able to stop me from doing it. I have a tentative plan to end my life after I graduate from this university. I doubt I'll get accepted to any med schools with my grades, and to be completely honest, the thought of me being a doctor is laughable. I'm not responsible enough for that. So really I should just save myself the trouble and the pain from seeing the disappointment in my parents' faces as they realize their daughter is a complete letdown.
