Venting Never felt loved

[luna674]

I've never felt loved my whole life.not from family not from anyone.ive been used like of o was nothing like if i had no worth.ive never felt like I mattered.I never felt like i belonged anywhere.i was coerced and used.i have even more trauma now.all for someone that never even bothered to have a conversation with me.or take me on a date.it was the only time i did it.im hurt.and i did it cause i just didn't feel like i mattered and i was going to kill myslef anyway.i didn't want to go to there house.they used their body wait against me.the taste was awful i didn't know that was gonna happen.i was so stupid.i thought someone could love me.i thought someone could care about me.and i kept on going back cause i didn't want to feel like a hookup.i wanted love connection anything just anything.and got nothing but trauma.cant smell weed it makes me sick.please i just wanna kill myself i just want to kill myself i just want to kill myslef please i want to die.im in so much pain i cant do this shit.every fucking day is like this I want death.im a leech who lives of her mother I can't go outside because I hate myself and just want to hide.i can't sleep thinking about my shitty life

 

[bl33ding_heart]

Just know that you deserve to be loved and cared about like any person does. And you don't deserve to die because of such unfair and horrible circumstances. I hope you find peace.

 

[Supplicium]

I don't think you're a bad person at all, and I don't think things are hopeless for you. It really sounds more like you're being extremely hard on yourself right now, and you don't need to stay in that state of mind. Even if it doesn't feel clear right now, when someone is in that state it can become very difficult to see things objectively, and everything can start to feel heavier or more final than it really is.
What helped me in similar moments was slowly getting some distance from those thoughts. Over time, that created more space to breathe and for things to gradually shift. But I don't expect you to agree with everything, I'd just like to understand you better.


1) What has been weighing on you the most lately?

2) When you start feeling this way about yourself, what usually triggers it?

3) Is there anything, even small, that would help you feel a bit more supported right now?

4) Do you like animals at all? I know this might sound random, but sometimes having something alive to care for can help people feel a bit less alone.

5) And is there someone in your life you feel even slightly comfortable talking to when things get like this? Who comes to mind first?


You don't have to answer everything.
Just whatever feels okay.

I also want to be honest that your message did affect me emotionally, because it reminded me of someone I care about. I just hope you're not staying alone too much right now. Do you have any hobbies or things you like to do, even small ones?