Venting Nervous to “leave my boyfriend behind”.

[Rosadoomer]

I'm planning on catching CTB in about 2 weeks. I have everything prepared. But, I'm nervous about how my boyfriend is going to react. I love him more than anything, but I'm 100% set on doing this. It's always on my mind. I try to act like I'm happy and in a good mood when he calls me, but I'm starting to get tired of it. It's getting harder and harder to fake laugh and joke around when I can't get my plan out of my head. He's noticed the change in my personality. I just blame it on my lack of sleep, but it's getting harder to get away with when I've been using that excuse for weeks. For a while, I was thinking of giving up on it. Because I wanted to move in with my boyfriend, I wanted to have a future with the man I love. Things were actually getting better for me. But then, I lost my Father. That really pushed me over the edge. My boyfriend has been with me through all of it. I feel so selfish. I know how much he loves me, but I can't keep going like this. Everyday I feel worse.

I've thought of breaking up with him before I do it, but I'm not really sure. Advice would be appreciated.

Sorry if this is messy, I didn't really go over it. Just some late night thoughts.

 

[EternalShore]

I certainly wouldn't break up with him myself~ :) It's never guaranteed that you'll succeed and if you fail, well, having someone who can help you through and care for you during the aftermath would be nice, wouldn't it~? :) after all, you do love him and from what it sounds like, it's definitely your 2nd favorite choice after sewer slide~ :) plus, hey, it'll be nice to talk to him still for the remaining last 2 weeks~ It's not needed to make the last 2 weeks of your life terrible after all!

 

[DiegoJET]

Actually, I don´t recommend breaking up with him. But once you do it, be sure to leave him a note or a letter explaining your reasons. And always thanking him about all the love he gave to you. I´m doing the same as I´m telling you. Peace

 

[undecidedfool]

I definitely agree with the others to not break up with him. My partner knows I'm suicidal. I directly asked him last night if he would want me to break up with him first, and he said absolutely not. It would leave things unresolved and generally worse for him. And as eternalshore mentioned, if something does go wrong in your attempt, you definitely want someone in your corner.

 

[Rosadoomer]

Actually, I don´t recommend breaking up with him. But once you do it, be sure to leave him a note or a letter explaining your reasons. And always thanking him about all the love he gave to you. I´m doing the same as I´m telling you. Peace

Definitely planning on writing him a letter. I actually started a draft of it last night. Thank you for your advice. <3

 

[Worndown]

I am sorry about your father.
You sound like living would be possible if he was still alive.
Not to speak against your plan, but is there a way to cope with this loss? Seeking a professional might help.
It sounds like you have a future with your boyfriend. I hope whatever you do works well for you.