Nervous system

[bonnieps>]

You know what's funny is that they say you inherit your mother's nervous system. What a joke. Me and my mom have a complicated relationship. She says some fuck ass shit, I get upset and distance myself in hopes for an apology. She never apologizes and I get tired of being mad and then the cycle repeats. She has told me before that out of all her siblings she was treated the worst by her mom. She told me how awful it felt to see her mom give the love she begged for to her siblings so easily. So why does she do the same to me. Even as children I was always beat the most. When she would brush my hair she would hit my head over and over again with the hair brush. Even simple things other mothers love doing for their daughters she took as an opportunity to hurt me. So I feel like you could guess just how much she has fucked up my head. My trust issues are out of this world. I can't connect with people like normal. This pain just won't stop. I'm getting really tired.

 

[boomsocknick]

Maybe her environment made your mom like that but maybe some people are just born to pass on the bad stuff that happened to them and others, like you, are born to be dedicated to ensuring the bad stuff that happened to them doesn't ever happen to anyone. I'm going to a small town in Bolivia where it's legal to purchase dynamite so I can use it on myself. I think there's no other way to avoid a nightmarish NDE that feels as though it lasts decades or centuries, like a neurotic person getting a bad acid trip