F
Funeralprincess
Death never turned on me
- May 8, 2022
- 433
I only have about two months left to be alive in this disgusting planet. I can't help but feel a little bit nervous when it comes to SN. I'm worried my tachycardia will kick in, and I'm still struggling to obtain beta blockers despite already having heart issues as it is. I'm scared I'll have my SI kick in if I feel that I can't breathe…. There's so much I'm anxious about but at the same time, I am sure I want to die in fact, I need to die because I do not belong here and this world isn't for people like me. I'm trying to fire out how to control my SI. I envy people Who can control it with ease, and I only wish that were me. Sometimes I feel my stupid SI is what has kept me here in the past and it aggravates me. Why can't we just be born with a self destruct button? I am angered at times that we even have to find ways to die and can't just be euthanized. It's annoying how you essentially have to have a chronic illness, or commit a serious crime to be put down by a doctor and I just wish as a mentally ill person I had that same access so I wouldn't have to do all this myself. Planning death is honestly hard and annoying, but living is harder. I just am nervous about this and I want to get over any nerves I have because I have to do this and I only have a limited amount of time that I can