My mental health has been doing a lot worse bc of my physical health I'm unable to work and depending on my family. Therapy isn't helping and I have severe mecfs so I'm too tired to do anything. I've been without improvement for 7 years. I'm turning 29 soon and I just feel like there's nothing that could truly help me anymore.
I'm not just physically sick my autoimmune causes brain fog.
There's so much research planning etc that goes into traveling to Peru. If it was easier I would've done it already.
I told myself I'd try ketamine infusions and antidepressant but honestly I've tried both and I'm not willing to be a psychiatric Guinea pig for the next Five years while I'm mentally and physically in hell.
I'm tired of laying in bed all day staring at the ceiling.
I don't feel like I have control over my life since I can't work all my finances are controlled by my family who says I'm just depressed not chronically I'll.
I just can't take it anymore.
I don't want to die but I do not want to keep feeling like this. I understand there's not a quick fix but I've tried so much shit to get better and I haven't improved in almost 8 years.
I guess I'm trying to justify thus to myself.
I already tried to OD once and it didn't work unless quantum immortality is real in which case fuck.
Idk why I'm posting this.
I'm so tired of talk in t about the same shit.
It's a shame that they make it so goddamn hard for people like me esp who are chronically I'll and can't rly travel.
I know there's other ways I'm not interested.
I'm writing this knowing I have one or two things I want to try to tell myself I did everything I could but the truth is I'm exhausted and I don't much feel like waiting around shooting in the dark.
I'm so over it.
I used to be really happy. I loved life. I was healthy. I had a really abusive boyfriend and I haven't been the same since. Sometimes I feel like he stole part of me.
I hope that whatever happens to me, he gets his karma. That's all I can say to that.
My life is a mess I can't even go into detail but once I figure things out I think I might try ketamine infusions a few more times. I think that's the last h thing I'm willing to try. Im just tired as fuck.
I'm not just physically sick my autoimmune causes brain fog.
There's so much research planning etc that goes into traveling to Peru. If it was easier I would've done it already.
I told myself I'd try ketamine infusions and antidepressant but honestly I've tried both and I'm not willing to be a psychiatric Guinea pig for the next Five years while I'm mentally and physically in hell.
I'm tired of laying in bed all day staring at the ceiling.
I don't feel like I have control over my life since I can't work all my finances are controlled by my family who says I'm just depressed not chronically I'll.
I just can't take it anymore.
I don't want to die but I do not want to keep feeling like this. I understand there's not a quick fix but I've tried so much shit to get better and I haven't improved in almost 8 years.
I guess I'm trying to justify thus to myself.
I already tried to OD once and it didn't work unless quantum immortality is real in which case fuck.
Idk why I'm posting this.
I'm so tired of talk in t about the same shit.
It's a shame that they make it so goddamn hard for people like me esp who are chronically I'll and can't rly travel.
I know there's other ways I'm not interested.
I'm writing this knowing I have one or two things I want to try to tell myself I did everything I could but the truth is I'm exhausted and I don't much feel like waiting around shooting in the dark.
I'm so over it.
I used to be really happy. I loved life. I was healthy. I had a really abusive boyfriend and I haven't been the same since. Sometimes I feel like he stole part of me.
I hope that whatever happens to me, he gets his karma. That's all I can say to that.
My life is a mess I can't even go into detail but once I figure things out I think I might try ketamine infusions a few more times. I think that's the last h thing I'm willing to try. Im just tired as fuck.
