Needs advice on buying fentanyl

[swandive]

44 year old fat ugly woman who nobody wants to love or marry. My teenage kids won't see me bc their dad has alienated them against me. I cannot afford lawyers to fight for custody. I was sexually physically emotionally abused by my biological parents. I have tried many many modalities for healing and making a happy life. Everything has failed me. Recently I tried psychiatric meds, that landed me admitted to hospital with a full body chemical rash.
I really want this life to be over.
I work 10 hour days in a factory to barely afford to live in a crappy apartment. I have a boyfriend of 4 years, he barely has sex with me and won't move out of his mom's home.
I can't buy a gun bc of my previously SA.
I'm so sick of everything being so hard, can at least my death go easy?
I think fentanyl would do me good.
I have no street smarts. Can anybody give me tips on how to buy drugs?
How do I ask? The exact wording and how to approach a potential dealer?
Do they actually sell stuff on the corner like in movies? I'm from a very rural area but there are cities within a few hours drive. I'm only 4 hours or so from Kensington Philadelphia. Pittsburg is 2.5 hours from me. I know there are drugs in every town including the one I live, I just don't know who has them or how to ask.
Thank you.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

it wouldn't be ethical for anyone here to give answers to the very specific questions, down to wording etc. as it falls in line with potentially encouraging, not to mention it could put you in harms way, in such a manner that would worsen any situation. just to be clear. no disrespect meant.

 

[Galam]

I would not recommend to buy something from the male dealers or their prostituted sidekicks. And in germany I assume that fentanyl is not a illegal drug but legal with prescription and used when other pain killers failed for cancer patients or even people who suffer from fibromyalgya. So I try to get some fentanyl pads or alternative morphin pads and OD with 5.

I have no addictions and I cannot tolerate anything chemical. I had mostly side effects even from low dosages of minoxidil or ketozilin and some after taking ibuprorfen or spironolacton. My parents are alcohol addicts and must have some disabilities too, so my organs are damaged and struggel with many things while others just get the good effects from meds or are so pretty and healthy, they don't need all this crap.

Funny thing is, other people accussed me of being a drug addict because my face looks so ill, tired, old, or creepy and my torso is slender, flat chested (tibular breast), they believe I suffer from anorexia and that I am transman or transwoman.