discoelysiumplayer
VOLITION: I want the same bad things you want.
- Mar 16, 2026
- 12
i'm tired and i know everyone is tired of reading the same bullshit over and over but anyway here's mine.
i started therapy 5 (almost 6) months ago and i thought i'd be doing better but the honest truth is no matter how much effort i put into getting better i won't ever fully recover with the situation i'm in. i'm 21 living with my parents no study because i make 3 cents at my work wasting it all on my meds. my parents hate me, now they say they don't but i know no way in hell someone could love someone like me, specially a fucking sad waste like me, they prove it time and time again by not being interested in my well being. i'm just a burden to them. my mother and i never got along it has been always abuse and yelling and there's no amount of talking that could mend the pain she has caused me, i can't say my father wasn't there because he technically was but he simply isn't emotionally available which i know it's not fair to ask to a man like him. i love my little sister to death and i know this will scar her but lord knows i've tried to set her on the right path but she is my mother's daughter and there's no changing that.
i lost my grandma a few weeks ago and she was the only person in my family i could confine with and seeing her slowly die had me all kinds of fucked up i miss her so much.
i fucked up things with my girlfriend due to having constant episodes and while we're back to being friends i don't think i'll ever have someone love me like that again, not do i think i'm capable of opening up to someone again.
on top of everything i'm a fucking tranny which just makes things worse imagine having to deal with a mentally ill son and then he comes with some "yea i'm actually a dude" bullshit.
i've said a thousand times but i can't keep living like this i'm miserable every day i just simply wasn't made for being alive i'm not wired like that. i feel so bad constantly i can't cope with it i barely feel the meds working.
i plan on hoarding my clonazepam and stomach it all with some alcohol and i know that probably won't work but i lost all my blades and i'm probably too much of a pussy to actually reach an artery. i wish so badly i had a gun just to get it over with. cya
i started therapy 5 (almost 6) months ago and i thought i'd be doing better but the honest truth is no matter how much effort i put into getting better i won't ever fully recover with the situation i'm in. i'm 21 living with my parents no study because i make 3 cents at my work wasting it all on my meds. my parents hate me, now they say they don't but i know no way in hell someone could love someone like me, specially a fucking sad waste like me, they prove it time and time again by not being interested in my well being. i'm just a burden to them. my mother and i never got along it has been always abuse and yelling and there's no amount of talking that could mend the pain she has caused me, i can't say my father wasn't there because he technically was but he simply isn't emotionally available which i know it's not fair to ask to a man like him. i love my little sister to death and i know this will scar her but lord knows i've tried to set her on the right path but she is my mother's daughter and there's no changing that.
i lost my grandma a few weeks ago and she was the only person in my family i could confine with and seeing her slowly die had me all kinds of fucked up i miss her so much.
i fucked up things with my girlfriend due to having constant episodes and while we're back to being friends i don't think i'll ever have someone love me like that again, not do i think i'm capable of opening up to someone again.
on top of everything i'm a fucking tranny which just makes things worse imagine having to deal with a mentally ill son and then he comes with some "yea i'm actually a dude" bullshit.
i've said a thousand times but i can't keep living like this i'm miserable every day i just simply wasn't made for being alive i'm not wired like that. i feel so bad constantly i can't cope with it i barely feel the meds working.
i plan on hoarding my clonazepam and stomach it all with some alcohol and i know that probably won't work but i lost all my blades and i'm probably too much of a pussy to actually reach an artery. i wish so badly i had a gun just to get it over with. cya
