Need the courage to jump!

[BabyCamus]

So… I'm desperate. I have tried so hard to plan a peaceful, painless, minimally stressful and reliable way out but honestly I've realised I don't have the time or ability to go through with other methods. And the biggest thing is I CANNOT have a failed attempt. Getting locked away in a mental hospital for the past year and a half on 1 to 1 observation 24/7 was the most traumatising, dehumanising and degrading thing that has ever happened to me.
So now I'm planning to jump off a very high cliff. And I would like some advice: HOW DO I OVERCOME THE SI?? I was thinking I could get a little drunk but that's my only plan…I want to find the courage to do this as it's 100% what I want, I just have a massive fear of heights lol! Any advice for how to conquer my fear would be much appreciated!

 

[247sadgirlhours]

if you are truly determined to jump and want to get rid of your fear of heights, then exposure and meditation will probably help. go to your picked out cliff, allow yourself to feel the fear, then do your best to relax, monitor your breathing, empty your mind. if you do this enough times, then the fear will slowly subside.
you could also try to "train" yourself and your brain. go to your cliff, and every time you feel fear when you are near it, reward yourself with something that gives you dopamine. for example, if you really really like chocolate. every time you feel the fear, eat a piece of chocolate. your brain will associate the reward dopamine with the fear you feel. however, both of these tactics can take awhile, depending on how severe your fear is.

my second note: if you cannot afford to fail, make sure that your cliff is lethal. it needs to be at least 150 feet (~46m), or at least 250 feet (~76m) over water. if this is a famous cliff, you could probably look up how far the drop is. just make sure the drop is long enough to be successful. if you think a year in observation is bad, imagine your life as a vegetable in observation.

regardless, i hope you find the peace you are searching for, however that happens.

 

[BabyCamus]

if you are truly determined to jump and want to get rid of your fear of heights, then exposure and meditation will probably help. go to your picked out cliff, allow yourself to feel the fear, then do your best to relax, monitor your breathing, empty your mind. if you do this enough times, then the fear will slowly subside.
you could also try to "train" yourself and your brain. go to your cliff, and every time you feel fear when you are near it, reward yourself with something that gives you dopamine. for example, if you really really like chocolate. every time you feel the fear, eat a piece of chocolate. your brain will associate the reward dopamine with the fear you feel. however, both of these tactics can take awhile, depending on how severe your fear is.

my second note: if you cannot afford to fail, make sure that your cliff is lethal. it needs to be at least 150 feet (~46m), or at least 250 feet (~76m) over water. if this is a famous cliff, you could probably look up how far the drop is. just make sure the drop is long enough to be successful. if you think a year in observation is bad, imagine your life as a vegetable in observation.

regardless, i hope you find the peace you are searching for, however that happens.

Thanks so much for your reply, that's a good suggestion about the meditation. My chosen cliff is definitely lethal by those standards, even if it's not the highest possible. Do you think some alcohol (not loads) before going over might help my courage to jump? One thing I also wondered was, will you immediately become unconscious when you hit the ground after jumping even if you don't die immediately? Just wouldn't fancy sitting there in agony for however long…
If you I did become immediately unconscious, that would be good. I don't even think becoming a vegetable would be the worst thing - at least I'm no longer actively able to disappoint everyone in my life.

 

[HerculePoirot]

Pay attention to the nature of the ground. Must be hard and solid. No grass, no trees, no parked vehicles, no water, no pedestrians.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that those who really know the answer to this have already left this world. Jumping sounds like a terrifying method and I believe that those who managed to succeed just got so desperate to escape from all of the suffering and this allowed them to overcome the instinct to survive. There are just no easy answers to this question.

 

[Walilamdzii]

I'm fantasising about this method, but every instinct I have says "don't jump!"...

 

[MiraiShisen]

I'm fantasising about this method, but every instinct I have says "don't jump!"...

may I ask why this specific method ? I think there are better options than this.

 

[illAF]

So… I'm desperate. I have tried so hard to plan a peaceful, painless, minimally stressful and reliable way out but honestly I've realised I don't have the time or ability to go through with other methods. And the biggest thing is I CANNOT have a failed attempt. Getting locked away in a mental hospital for the past year and a half on 1 to 1 observation 24/7 was the most traumatising, dehumanising and degrading thing that has ever happened to me.
So now I'm planning to jump off a very high cliff. And I would like some advice: HOW DO I OVERCOME THE SI?? I was thinking I could get a little drunk but that's my only plan…I want to find the courage to do this as it's 100% what I want, I just have a massive fear of heights lol! Any advice for how to conquer my fear would be much appreciated!

I feel you sooooo much It's my only way out now (with partial but I'm too scared that it goes wrong). And everytime I picture myself on the bridge, I feel like I won't be able to jump...

And if I choose to go there I WILL HAVE to jump, since I'm currently in a psy clinic, if I leave, cops will find me and my situation will be way worst.
But jumping seems so hard to do, I envy the courage of those who managed to jump..

I feel you sooooo much It's my only way out now (with partial but I'm too scared that it goes wrong). And everytime I picture myself on the bridge, I feel like I won't be able to jump...

And if I choose to go there I WILL HAVE to jump, since I'm currently in a psy clinic, if I leave, cops will find me and my situation will be way worst.
But jumping seems so hard to do, I envy the courage of those who managed to jump..

Ah I didn't see the OP name is crossed.. So I will quote @Walilamdzii instead

 

[Walilamdzii]

may I ask why this specific method ? I think there are better options than this.

I have a place in mind. My preference would be N, obviously, or being accepted for VAD. Then, if I felt I could set it up, CO... but I am being monitored by family at the moment, so it would definitely be suspicious if I all of a sudden ordered a bunch of charcoal burners/equipment. I've tried partial and backed out due to SI and pain. I feel like the few seconds of fear before death are potentially not an uncomfortable as the head exploding sensation etc. Idk.

 

[Toobrokentofix]

I'd be careful with using drugs or alcohol to overcome SI. I did this a few months ago with sleeping pills and anti anxiety meds and struggled to get up on the parapet. Someone spotted me and called the emergency services. I have no memory of what happened after that for 24 hours. Woke up in hospital and spent next 10 weeks in hospital then on a psych ward

 

[Walilamdzii]

I'd be careful with using drugs or alcohol to overcome SI. I did this a few months ago with sleeping pills and anti anxiety meds and struggled to get up on the parapet. Someone spotted me and called the emergency services. I have no memory of what happened after that for 24 hours. Woke up in hospital and spent next 10 weeks in hospital then on a psych ward

Do you mind me asking the jumping spot? Feel free not to say. That suuuuuuuucks, ugh! I've just been in a psych ward for 2 months and just feel so done with everything. I think I will be careful to choose a time when there aren't other people around, I don't have access to drugs, idk about alcohol.

On a different note, I've been reading this, which sounds hopeful:

 

[soontobedone]

Do you mind me asking the jumping spot? Feel free not to say. That suuuuuuuucks, ugh! I've just been in a psych ward for 2 months and just feel so done with everything. I think I will be careful to choose a time when there aren't other people around, I don't have access to drugs, idk about alcohol.

On a different note, I've been reading this, which sounds hopeful:

This member ctb'd in April with SN.

 

[Terramoro]

So… I'm desperate. I have tried so hard to plan a peaceful, painless, minimally stressful and reliable way out but honestly I've realised I don't have the time or ability to go through with other methods. And the biggest thing is I CANNOT have a failed attempt. Getting locked away in a mental hospital for the past year and a half on 1 to 1 observation 24/7 was the most traumatising, dehumanising and degrading thing that has ever happened to me.
So now I'm planning to jump off a very high cliff. And I would like some advice: HOW DO I OVERCOME THE SI?? I was thinking I could get a little drunk but that's my only plan…I want to find the courage to do this as it's 100% what I want, I just have a massive fear of heights lol! Any advice for how to conquer my fear would be much appreciated!

IF you want to be sure, then you can buy something to overdose with. My plan is to take more than 5 caffeine pills (which are easily obtainable) (over 180 mg per liter is lethal) so if I survive, then it'll be very hard to know what I took and what they should do against it. (In this case they'd need Be sure to hide anything you took good enough and you need to know how long it takes to take effect.
(be sure to not take myself as an example as I'm an idiot)

 

[Walilamdzii]

This member ctb'd in April with SN.

Oh yeah, I didn't see the date of this post. Thanks.



Just read this elsewhere:
"If falling from a great height, say over 100 feet, it will make little difference how you land assuming it is on solid ground. You will likely be just as dead, however, it may take longer do die if you land on your feet. The fastest way to die is to land on your head. A fall from 3 feet will break your neck, and a fall from much higher will fracture your skull as well, causing instant unconsciousness and death."

IF you want to be sure, then you can buy something to overdose with. My plan is to take more than 5 caffeine pills (which are easily obtainable) (over 180 mg per liter is lethal) so if I survive, then it'll be very hard to know what I took and what they should do against it. (In this case they'd need Be sure to hide anything you took good enough and you need to know how long it takes to take effect.
(be sure to not take myself as an example as I'm an idiot)

AFAIK caffeine pill overdose wouldn't be very pleasant? Won't it cause heart issues?

 

[FadingSunshine]

IF you want to be sure, then you can buy something to overdose with. My plan is to take more than 5 caffeine pills (which are easily obtainable) (over 180 mg per liter is lethal) so if I survive, then it'll be very hard to know what I took and what they should do against it. (In this case they'd need Be sure to hide anything you took good enough and you need to know how long it takes to take effect.
(be sure to not take myself as an example as I'm an idiot)

Caffeine overdose sounds like it would cause a lot of anxiety, I would not recommend this.

 

[Terramoro]

Caffeine overdose sounds like it would cause a lot of anxiety, I would not recommend this.

Oh yeah, I didn't see the date of this post. Thanks.



Just read this elsewhere:
"If falling from a great height, say over 100 feet, it will make little difference how you land assuming it is on solid ground. You will likely be just as dead, however, it may take longer do die if you land on your feet. The fastest way to die is to land on your head. A fall from 3 feet will break your neck, and a fall from much higher will fracture your skull as well, causing instant unconsciousness and death."

AFAIK caffeine pill overdose wouldn't be very pleasant? Won't it cause heart issues?

Yes. Caffeine Overdose is the worst. You will want to crawl out of your skin. I'm just saying that it's an extra measurment to ensure that even if you land badly and don't die then you will die because of the overdose. But I'm assuming that you are at least numb. If you fucked up big times, then you are in for the worst, but it can be ensure that you die so you can confidently jump knowing you are dead.
(also, if you are going to overdose take it and wait a bit right before it has activated, so it will take effect once you landed or a bit later so you don't feel it.)
(If you actually want to do something like this then probably take something else so you know that you die to 99% twice)

 

[Toobrokentofix]

Do you mind me asking the jumping spot? Feel free not to say. That suuuuuuuucks, ugh! I've just been in a psych ward for 2 months and just feel so done with everything. I think I will be careful to choose a time when there aren't other people around, I don't have access to drugs, idk about alcohol.

On a different note, I've been reading this, which sounds hopeful:

My profile picture. It's the orwell bridge in suffolk UK. It was 11pm but it's on an A-road. I escaped a general ward to do it whist waiting for a psych bed. Then ended up in hospital for months after and know how shit it is. Only been home 2 weeks and struggling with staying alive.

Ty for sharing the article. That was really interesting and positive

 

[Walilamdzii]

My profile picture. It's the orwell bridge in suffolk UK. It was 11pm but it's on an A-road. I escaped a general ward to do it whist waiting for a psych bed. Then ended up in hospital for months after and know how shit it is. Only been home 2 weeks and struggling with staying alive.

Ty for sharing the article. That was really interesting and positive

Ahh, I've never heard of it... looks pretty heigh though, I think I'd find that pretty terrifying. Like an A&E type of bed? When I was in A&E they put security guards with me the whole time so I'd have had no way of escaping. They actually tranquillised me in the leg one time. Sorry to hear you're struggling, me too.

You're welcome!