Venting Need Method Sooner

[lostintheloop]

(Not asking for method ideas, just venting, I'm aware of resources on here).

I've had previous attempts by overdose (OTC meds) or poisoning (antifreeze). Always failed. ( I was stupid and naive, didn't know about likely failure or better methods) I need a method where I can't chicken out and get help after or where even if I'm found it'll hopefully be too late by then. So SN seems perfect.

Been researching SN but all uk lab companies seem to require you to be professional/ company. I'll keep searching as sure i'll find international source at some point but obviously that means even more of a wait . I can't go to GP for meto as they'll be too suspicious due to previous ODs and also they won't prescribe more than a weeks meds at a time. Just looking into online pharmacies that don't require you to give gp/nhs details. I also need to figure out PO box as my family check parcels due to previous attempts. Also not huge town and my family know people at post office. Only PO box option near me isn't physical postbox, it's just they hold it at post office. So worried about that. I'd also have to collect all the stuff at the same time, and go somewhere secluded to take straight away . I can't take back to house as my family even check my bags/pockets since they know i want to ctb. Wish I could move out but impossible as a broke uni student.
So basically I'm thinking SN is becoming increasingly difficult option for me. It's not impossible yet but seems like it's going to take time to work out if it is possible.

But I just really feel like I can't wait much longer. I can't fail another attempt so not going to repeat my past methods/mistakes. Have been sectioned before and terrified of it happening again. But I don't think SN is going to happen soon enough for me. Thinking partial suspension may be better . I'm not scared of any pain but very scared of it going wrong and ending up brain damaged. Would jump from height but think I'm too chicken. If i could get over SI then I live near cliffs and i feel like that'd work, as rocks at bottom and i'd make sure it was choppy sea that day. Gun isn't option here. Can't store anything for gas/exit bag.

Sorry I'm just rambling on. Just frustrated. I have to end it soon but also have to do it right. And it's hard balance.

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly hate how difficult suicide is in this world, to me it's so cruel how we cannot just pass away in peace without risks and complications, I do understand that it really can be so tiring trying to find a way to leave this hellish, prison like world where there is a lack of acceptance towards our right to die. But anyway I wish you the best and I hope that you find what you are looking for.

 

[jonward55]

(Not asking for method ideas, just venting, I'm aware of resources on here).

I've had previous attempts by overdose (OTC meds) or poisoning (antifreeze). Always failed. ( I was stupid and naive, didn't know about likely failure or better methods) I need a method where I can't chicken out and get help after or where even if I'm found it'll hopefully be too late by then. So SN seems perfect.

Been researching SN but all uk lab companies seem to require you to be professional/ company. I'll keep searching as sure i'll find international source at some point but obviously that means even more of a wait . I can't go to GP for meto as they'll be too suspicious due to previous ODs and also they won't prescribe more than a weeks meds at a time. Just looking into online pharmacies that don't require you to give gp/nhs details. I also need to figure out PO box as my family check parcels due to previous attempts. Also not huge town and my family know people at post office. Only PO box option near me isn't physical postbox, it's just they hold it at post office. So worried about that. I'd also have to collect all the stuff at the same time, and take them somewhere . I can't take back to house as my family even check my bags/pockets since they know i want to ctb .
So basically I'm thinking SN is becoming increasingly difficult option for me. It's not impossible yet but seems like it's going to take time to work out if it is possible.

But I just really feel like I can't wait much longer. I can't fail another attempt so not going to repeat my past methods/mistakes. Have been sectioned before and terrified of it happening again. But I don't think SN is going to happen soon enough for me. Thinking partial suspension may be better . I'm not scared of any pain but very scared of it going wrong and ending up brain damaged. Would jump from height but think I'm too chicken. If i could get over SI then I live near cliffs and i feel like that'd work, as rocks at bottom and i'd make sure it was choppy sea that day. Gun isn't option here. Can't store anything for gas/exit bag.

Sorry I'm just rambling on. Just frustrated. I have to end it soon but also have to do it right. And it's hard balance.

I know the feeling, it's getting very frustrating.

 

[lostintheloop]

I certainly hate how difficult suicide is in this world, to me it's so cruel how we cannot just pass away in peace without risks and complications, I do understand that it really can be so tiring trying to find a way to leave this hellish, prison like world where there is a lack of acceptance towards our right to die. But anyway I wish you the best and I hope that you find what you are looking for.

thank you. I hate that none of us chose to be born and they try to force us to stay

 

[MrBrownUpsideD]

Do you know someone with a dorm room at your uni? You could tell them you'll be out of town and you want them to receive your package. I don't know your circumstances, but I wouldn't trust myself to jump over the ledge, especially due to the violent and unpredictable nature of the method. I hope you can figure it out.