Need help/resources for letters to my children to read after I CTB

[WanttodieWisconsin]

Hi everyone...I'm pretty much ready to go- have everything stashed away to do SN protocol, a place to do it where I won't be found, and my financial affairs in order (or as much as they can be). My only hesitation is how to ease my passing for my children (17 and 20). I'm not worried about my wife- she will just be angry with me and call me selfish, etc. but I digress.

What I DO need is a resource or resources for what I can leave behind to help explain my decision to my kids in a way that will ease their transition to not having a dad. I'm certain this has come up here in the past, so am hoping I can find some guidance. Everywhere else you look all you get is "don't do it, you will destroy your kids.

Thanks much!

 

[Someone123]

I think what to say to your kids would depend on your reason(s) for wanting to ctb, if you would want to share this here some then it could help with tryinig to help with what to write. Obviously it's your discretion for how much to share. I hope you can find peace.

 

[WanttodieWisconsin]

I think what to say to your kids would depend on your reason(s) for wanting to ctb, if you would want to share this here some then it could help with tryinig to help with what to write. Obviously it's your discretion for how much to share. I hope you can find peace.

I'm dealing with depression that won't lift, and a wife with who m I am always fighting. I am a childhood abuse survivor, so am incredibly damaged, beyond repair. I am 100% ready to go and 100% sure I need to, it's just that I dearly love my kids and they love me just as much. Thanks.

 

[Smart No More]

When researching how to leave a good note I came across some good advice which was not to plant seeds accidentally. For example not to say "its not your fault" or "you did nothing wrong". The reason for this is because they may not feel they did and the fact you felt the need to say it may register in their perception as "a thing" they had overlooked and where there previously was no issue there's suddenly a sprouting seed of doubt and fault. This can eat away at them because they can never speak to you to resolve it - which leads us to the next lesson I learned which is to avoid leaving anything open ended or open to interpretation. Everything must be explained in the most uncertain terms possible and it should leave nothing in the air for them to wish they could address with you. They can never gain closure once you're gone.

So those are a couple of "what NOT to do's" and a good "what to do" is to consider the way you say the things that you can't say in accordance with the rules above. So for example if you want to make it clear they did nothing wrong or its not their fault you can phrase it in a manner that fits your needs put doesn't leave it open to interpretation. It's actually really simple, you say "you did everything right and I was so proud to be your father". It has the affect and says what you wanted without creating any openings for negative interpretation. You could thank them for the things you cherish. It's also good to avoid saying "I'm sorry" because again they can't speak to you and tell you it's okay. This is another seed you can avoid planting by saying thank you. The same feelings and sentiment can be communicated through that without leaving anything that could potentially grow beneath the surface and bubble up as a problem later in their lives.

In fairness its all simple stuff and once you get in the headspace it's not hard. It's just not entirely obvious until it's pointed out. Once you get it it's like "why didn't I realise this before!?".

I found it really good advice and wish so much that I could find the source/link because there was a lot more I would like to read again for my own purposes. I hope the snippet I can remember is of use to you though. I don't think I relayed it as well the person who wrote the initial tips. Hopefully I haven't butchered it to the degree that it doesn't have the effect intended.

In this day and age there's so many things we can do thanks to technology. For example you can create videos for them to view at milestone in their lives. You can send scheduled messages so your last note isn't the last correspondence they receive from you. That does need some consideration though as it could potentially keep opening a wound. I'm just saying there 's scope to get creative and leave substantial leftovers for want of a better term.

I saw a thing where you can use a program to analyse all your social media content for as long back as it goes and then it can post as you. It's quite eerily good at it too. You can record your voice and it can then leave voice notes as you. Again with scary precision. Not fool proof though and could be in bad taste I fear.

However you go with it and whatever you choose to do and say I hope you feel content with it when you're done. I know how important it is to me to get it right for my loved ones once the time comes. All the best! : )

 

[treetop.grazer]

I feel for you, I really do, being in a similar situation myself (3 kids I'll miss more than anything and a wife who made my life hell for years), but I've decided my ctv method has to appear accidental, that way nobody is left wondering why they didn't spot the signs etc. Obviously not easy to do if SN is your method

I think the video idea is a good one, i recorded loads of videos on my phone for people to find but then decided it needed to be accidental, the process of recording them though was quite cathartic.

I hope you find your peace.

 

[Rounded Agony]

I am far from qualified to answer this but wanted to echo @Smart No More's recommendation. Shortly after my best friend ctb'd, someone I was seeing at the time made a comment that really got under my skin about not feeling bad about not being able to do something to save him. I'm absolutely sure that would've come up in my psyche eventually but to hear it from an external source so soon after really did not sit well. And it was from some third party with no relation to my friend, no less.

On another note, I looked at your older posts - I see a couple of years ago you planned to use cyanide, then after time had switched to gun, and now seems SN. No expectation of an answer but I am curious about the change in methods/delays.

 

[novem]

If you can, I'd suggest you wait until your kids grow up and start living their lifes; it will take 3-4 more years. At that time they will need you less.
But if you are actually hindering their success then maybe do it any time.
Apologies for my bluntness, but letters will not be able to raise them, and you did not mention any health related problems.

 

[ApproachingDeath]

If you can, I'd suggest you wait until your kids grow up and start living their lifes; it will take 3-4 more years. At that time they will need you less.
But if you are actually hindering their success then maybe do it any time.
Apologies for my bluntness, but letters will not be able to raise them, and you did not mention any health related problems.

I don't think their intention with the letters is to replace raising them but instead to lessen the blow of no longer being present in their lives and to make the transition of losing a parent less full of self doubt and unanswered questions.
And in this thread, they may not have mentioned having any physical health problems, but OP did share they have depression—which can be just as debilitating as a physical health issue and can be a valid reason for wanting to CTB.