Help Navigating healthcare system for help is exhausting

[RosebyAnyName]

Haven't been able to work, too overwhelmed. Was suggested by my therapist to speak with a doctor.
Tried to reach a private clinic, only to be told by the helpline that there were none where I live.
Tried to reach the family doctor I've been assigned, however can't reach them for another month and a half and I need help now.

Went to a walk-in clinic, I was able to see someone. However, I struggled to express my needs and accidentally let it slip that I was suicidal. I think I scared the doctor, they told me I should contact 911. Had to clarify I wasn't actively suicidal (lie). The doctor had to get the head doctor, and I was able to get a prescription, a referral to a psychologist (allegedly) and time off work.

I feel awful. Navigating Canada's abysmal healthcare is exhausting in its own right. I want to talk to someone so badly, but my next therapy appointment isn't until another week and there aren't availabilities sooner. I don't even know if I got the referral, I was told I should expect a call but they didn't even get my phone number right the first time. Knowing my luck I won't get a call for another month or at all.

I know I need time off work but I'm too scared to hand in the doctor's note, I don't want to have to talk to my employer.

I just feel like an alien, worse than before. I can't get the help I need in a timely manner. I have SN on the way, knowing my luck it will show up before I can get any help. I need to put so much effort to get the help I need (but I can't reveal too much or I'll get thrown in an institution), meanwhile I can barely even function day-to-day. I feel like I already did everything I could but now I'm still just waiting more and it's unbearable. I should be happy I don't have to work, but instead I just feel worse / guilty about taking time off. I don't know what else to do.

 

[-Link-]

I should be happy I don't have to work, but instead I just feel worse / guilty about taking time off.

If doctors or your employer or your coworkers or your family or your friends or government officials knew the whole truth of the matter, they would be telling you (or outright ordering you) not to work. So whatever guilt you're feeling right now about being off work, it's quite safe to let go of it and set it aside.

If it's not as easy as just saying the words, then you could try thinking a bit deeper about it as to identifying what's making you feel this way. The answer will be a combination of internal and external factors. Then once you've identified the causes or contributing factors of your guilt, you'd want to think about whether the guilt is actually justified.

A consideration here: If a loved one told you they're feeling guilty about taking time off work to take care of their mental health, what would you tell them?

You could also consider whether you would be feeling guilty if this was a physical illness instead of mental. Also, the possibility that this feeling could be more to do with an uncomfortableness about needing help and reaching out for help, rather than actually being guilty of something.

I have SN on the way, knowing my luck it will show up before I can get any help. I need to put so much effort to get the help I need (but I can't reveal too much or I'll get thrown in an institution), meanwhile I can barely even function day-to-day.

If you want help, then I would suggest reconsidering the reluctance towards hospitalization.

I know firsthand the flaws of Canada's healthcare system and the barriers of accessing the help you need. But you have a life-ending substance on the way to you in the mail, and it's going to be in your possession. If you walk into an ER and tell them what it is and tell them what you're going to do with it (ie. the protocol), this can open up opportunities to you that might not have been available if doctors never learned the extent of your suicidality in the first place.

I am in Canada as well, and I have been through outpatient programs that only accept referrals from inpatient units. They are among the best professional help I've ever had, and they were intensive. But in order to get there, I had to be totally open about everything I was struggling with and then spend time in an inpatient unit, first.

To be clear, if you don't want help, or if you aren't ready for help, or if you want help but just not "the kind of help that involves hospitalization", that's perfectly valid and is NOT something you have to feel guilty about.

If hospitalization is flatly not an option at this time, I just want to add that there are still options as far as paths forward. Small steps. Being present in the moment. Practicing techniques to regulate your emotions. Staying engaged with people you trust. Support can grow over time, and things can still get better, even if it takes longer than what is ideal.

 

[looking4partner]

Went to a walk-in clinic, I was able to see someone. However, I struggled to express my needs and accidentally let it slip that I was suicidal. I think I scared the doctor, they told me I should contact 911. Had to clarify I wasn't actively suicidal (lie). The doctor had to get the head doctor, and I was able to get a prescription, a referral to a psychologist (allegedly) and time off work.

I feel awful. Navigating Canada's abysmal healthcare is exhausting in its own right. I want to talk to someone so badly, but my next therapy appointment isn't until another week and there aren't availabilities sooner. I don't even know if I got the referral, I was told I should expect a call but they didn't even get my phone number right the first time. Knowing my luck I won't get a call for another month or at all.

I know I need time off work but I'm too scared to hand in the doctor's note, I don't want to have to talk to my employer.

I need to put so much effort to get the help I need (but I can't reveal too much or I'll get thrown in an institution), meanwhile I can barely even function day-to-day. I feel like I already did everything I could but now I'm still just waiting more and it's unbearable. I should be happy I don't have to work, but instead I just feel worse / guilty about taking time off. I don't know what else to do.

I'm not sure who said they were going to call about the referral, but some advice I have learned from being in the medical system:

Any time someone says to expect a call, 90% of the time they don't call. But if you call them to ask about it, it will help get things moving "faster." (Sometimes it does require calling the place that referred you a second time (it third time) because "no referral came through." And then calling the place they referred you to about a week later from that call to find out if they received it. (Most places where referrals are sent say to wait 3-5 business days for them to call you. If they still haven't, you probably need to call them to figure out if they are in the process of doing anything or if an issue came up at some step in the process. For example, if they "didn't receive the referral" even though the doctor's office says it was sent, they will not be calling at all. But you won't know that issue has happened until you call them (psychology office.)

It's a good idea to do all this (even though it's a lot of work & can be overwhelming ) because somehow the medical system has the most glitches/mistakes with paperwork, referrals, & not receiving what was sent or the medical assistant not sending the referral to the correct address or the fax somehow not going through or the contact information for the patient not updating (even after they have corrected the exact same incorrect or outdated contact info 3 different times) of any system I have used. And it may make the wait shorter than a month. It will likely make the wait shorter than if you wait for them to call you. Because most of the times I have waited for their call, they just never contacted me & then I found out there were a bunch of issues I had to correct for the paperwork to even go through correctly & the process hadn't even started at all during that time that I was waiting.

When I do call medical places, now I also ask "What day should I call back if I haven't heard from you by then to check in about this?" And that way, I know how many days to wait/give them to call back until I will be needing to call back again to figure out what's happening if they still haven't contacted me.

Somehow, they have now mixed up/connected my medical records to my relatives who also use that medical system multiple different times. (As in, they put my relatives records into my account as if they are my records or part of my file/contact info)

Hope it is okay to give advice:

For handing in your doctor's note to the employer, when I needed to do things like that in the past that caused anxiety, I used to count down from 5 and "force" myself to start walking up to the person when I got to zero. I don't know that it's a counseling technique, but it did help with getting myself to do it even when the anxiety wouldn't stop.

(I say "used to" because I have physical & mental functioning disabilities now added on to the mental illnesses, so I don't really use some of my past "strategies" anymore because I'm not able to be independent physically anymore and that has made my mental health even worse than it used to be.)