Venting My will to ctb comes and goes

[almaPerdida]

Sometimes stuff happens and makes me want to ctb to badly. I had another heartbreak this week and that made me finish writing my letter (which i had started but gave up) and research painless methods. I was thinking between SN or trying go to Peru to get N.

Yesterday i went to a club with my friends and it was fun. I had a blast, the guy who broke my heart was there, we said hi and he kept staring me but i didn't go do anything more because i'm too proud. But it felt like a small victory. Kinda made me not want to ctb anymore, for now at least.

And it's always like that, small defeats in life make me want to ctb really badly and then small victories push me up and make me give up. I'm just 23 but my life feels kinda boring. It's always small things happening and it's kinda tiring, the boredom is what makes me want to ctb. Feels like there's no purpose tbh.

Anybody else feels this way?

 

[TapeMachine]

This actually sounds too happy for the suicide forum. Maybe you should've posted it in recovery

Really?

Anybody else feels this way?

Yes. My moods are incredibly inconsistent. This is one of my major issues and a contributing factor for why I want to kms in the first place- if that makes sense. Up, down, up, down...it's exhausting.

 

[almaPerdida]

This actually sounds too happy for the suicide forum. Maybe you should've posted it in recovery

Sorry i'm new here, still figuring things out.

Really?

Yes. My moods are incredibly inconsistent. This is one of my major issues and a contributing factor for why I want to kms in the first place- if that makes sense. Up, down, up, down...it's exhausting.

And yea i feel the same way. It's exhausting living with the constant mood swings and ups and downs. Sometimes it seems easier to ctb to end the instability.

 

[Dot]

This actually sounds too happy for the suicide forum. Maybe you should've posted it in recovery

Pls kp in mnd tht if usng dry humr ppl wll nt alwys knw whn u r jokng

Sorry i'm new here, still figuring things out.

Postng hre = ok

 

[RainAndSadness]

Fine but it wasn't really a joke though, I'm happy for the OP but the tone came across as something good for the recovery section which can always do with more people posting in it.

Threads in the suicide subforum don't necessarily need to be doom and gloom only though. Pretty much anything that's related to your struggles has a place in the suicide subforum and that also includes more light-hearted posts or a positive experience for example. This thread here is right where it belongs, in my opinion.