Venting My time is coming but I feel scared

[SomewhatLoved]

I have my method planned out, letters written, and there's very few things left for me to do before I can CTB.

But I'm scared. Earlier in my "planning phase" I wanted time to speed by so that I could just do it and be over with it, but now that I've planned it out I feel super anxious about it. I've seen other threads talk about how even if you have access to the most reliable and "peaceful" or "instant" methods, suicide can still be a very scary and anxiety-inducing thing, and I think this is true.

It's scary to think about life ending, even though I feel like I don't want to continue living. I've lived nearly two decades now and things have never "ended". I think the closest thing we have all experienced to death is probably sleep, and you always wake up from sleep. It is not permanent.

Does anyone have any tips for wrestling with the anxiety associated with committing suicide?

 

[smallworld_]

having someone close to you by your side can help ik. Having smelling salts/oils like lavender can be calming. Your enviorment and calming sounds. Music even. Meditating and finding your sense of self. What makes you feel most at peace. Ofc this sort of thing is never easy, so take your time in waiting until you feel its not so hard to push yourself into.

Take in reassurance in yourself that you know what you want, and trust yourself. You can be your own worst enemy so making peace with yourself is important i feel. Be forgiving and not too hard on yourself. Know that you are doing what you think is going to bring you the most happiness and self fufillment.

 

[SomewhatLoved]

having someone close to you by your side can help ik. Having smelling salts/oils like lavender can be calming. Your enviorment and calming sounds. Music even. Meditating and finding your sense of self. What makes you feel most at peace. Ofc this sort of thing is never easy, so take your time in waiting until you feel its not so hard to push yourself into.

Take in reassurance in yourself that you know what you want, and trust yourself. You can be your own worst enemy so making peace with yourself is important i feel. Be forgiving and not too hard on yourself. Know that you are doing what you think is going to bring you the most happiness and self fufillment.

Thank you :) I've thought of listening to music while I do it, but I'll think about some of the other things as well.

 

[pampxxie]

Thank you :) I've thought of listening to music while I do it, but I'll think about some of the other things as well.

listening to music is absolutely something i'm going to do, too. if music is as important to you as it is to me it will definitely help. i am so sorry you feel you must do this :( but from the way you talk you remind me a lot of myself. its nerve wrecking knowing youre going to die, that you will never be able to experience life again... but it's still so desirable.
you can also read a book if that is what will calm you. in the past days i have been rereading a book of mine- no longer human by Osamu Dazai- i have 5 days intil i will be dead so i aim to complete my re-read by then- but it calms my nerves and distracts me when i read, so if it does the same for you, i hope that will help. <3

 

[INTJme]

Are you absolutely sure you want to ctb? I don't know you or what you're going through but I was 20 the first time I wanted to seriously ctb. 11 years later, I feel unless there's some untreatable chronic mental or physical ailment, you should give it another proper thought. Because issues other can chronic illness don't last too long and tend to resolve with time. Ofc if you're unlucky, newer issues can take their place but it doesn't have to be that way. Who knows, you might get lucky! Also, your brain isn't even fully developed yet (mid-20s is when it stops maturing), and you should also be at your peak physical prowess; good reasons to give yourself some more time. Just my two cents. I wish you power and courage in whatever choice you make.

 

[SomewhatLoved]

Are you absolutely sure you want to ctb? I don't know you or what you're going through but I was 20 the first time I wanted to seriously ctb. 11 years later, I feel unless there's some untreatable chronic mental or physical ailment, you should give it another proper thought. Because issues other can chronic illness don't last too long and tend to resolve with time. Ofc if you're unlucky, newer issues can take their place but it doesn't have to be that way. Who knows, you might get lucky! Also, your brain isn't even fully developed yet (mid-20s is when it stops maturing), and you should also be at your peak physical prowess. Just my two cents. I wish you power and courage in whatever choice you make.

I don't really want to ctb, but I don't think most people do. No happy and emotionally "regular" person wakes up and decides they want to commit suicide. I feel depressed, and I feel driven to ctb. It's not that I want to die, but that I'm tired of living.

You're absolutely right in that things could possibly get better, but I feel tired of this world. I've always leaned towards nihilism, and I feel that the few things I believed in have now left me. When I was younger I feel like the world has a vibrance to it that has been gone for some time now.

I feel about as driven to ctb as I think most other people on this forum are. I don't really feel scared of death itself, but of the experience that surrounds "achieving" it.

I want to sleep now, but I am stuck awake. Or perhaps I am asleep and stuck in a poor dream.