Venting My thoughts

[Doctor Logan]

Its been awhile since I've posted on this website, or even visited. But i found myself in the last few days checking in. The past couple of weeks have been getting harder. I managed to get into a stable and healthy schedule. Despite my environment. Since my parents are allowing this schizophrenic person to stay here. They have been pretty nice but i cant really connect or talk to them. And they are constantly talking to themselves and sometimes almosy yelling the same sentence over again. Most of the time i tune it out, but sometimes its very stressful and even scary for me. Currently I've had increasing number of sudical thoughts, because of how my life has been and the events that have happened in the last 2 or so years basically ruining my chances of having a normal life. I've always been the one in my family to endeer the most but I really don't see myself lasting much longer. The past few days have been getting harder since I just feel like I'm wasting time. I usually do computer programming and that made me happy in the past. But I've been doing it for so long now whenever I do it. It feels like borrowed time. So I've just been reading books the past few days. Deciding if I should take the action to CTB or not. I don't really see any paths in life worth taking and I dont care about trying to make a impact in this society. That's all I have to say. I don't know if I'll visit this site that much. Since I get depressed when I read how fucked the world is.

If you have made it this far thank you for taking the time to read my rant. I truly wish I could know all of you